Mutterings of eringirl

30 before 30: I built a house

2012-01-31T23:06:00.000-08:00

I am blogging about 30 things I have done before I turn 30! If you want to read from the beginning, start here.

I built a house. In five days.

Now don't be calling me to construct your dream home or anything. This wasn't the kind of home that we are accustomed to. No, this was the kind of house in an impoverished area of Tijuana that makes you grateful.

In my fourth year of college (that would be my first senior year) I started volunteering with a local youth group. I loved those kids. In fact, I can thank them for the inspiration to become a teacher and to delve deeper into my faith.

Every summer they took a trip across the border to Tijuana to build homes. It was quite an undertaking. I don't remember the specifics, but there must have been 50 high school kids as well as 15-20 adults. We camped on a mesa in tents (with armed guards, by the way). We used outhouses that remind me of that opening scene in Slumdog Millionaire. Our showers were literally buckets hung on a string. There was the incident with the rattlesnake under my tent, but I prefer not to talk about that. At night there was prayer, song and fellowship. It was beautiful.

But during the day? Man, oh man. We worked. Our group was at two sites, building two houses. Thankfully there were some adults who were experienced from years past. We had a manual on what to construct and we were given the hardwood and supplies for the home itself. The tools all came with us from San Diego.

On the first day we laid a foundation. We hand mixed dirt, rocks, water and concrete. We poured and leveled it. It was backbreaking work.

Then we went back and I spent a day sawing 2x4s. With a hand saw. My entire hand was a blister. We assembled a frame. We constructed a roof. And walls. I used a hammer. (Aside: remember that episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory shows up at Habitat for Humanity with the hammer that Lorelai decked out with pink feathers? Ya, that kind of hammer would never have worked) Once the exterior was wrapped with tack paper (I think that is what is called...is that right? anyone? I don't really know), we wrapped the house with chicken wire. It had to be really taut because the next thing we were doing was stucco-ing the wall. With concrete. In case you were wondering, concrete doesn't stick to walls very easily. But it is awfully fun to do it!

If you aren't familiar with the impoverished parts of the Mexico border, you need to know that it is dry desert. There are hills and canyons. There are no trees. There are no paved roads. There is no plumbing. The people who live there have barrels which are filled by water trucks a few times a week. There are wires running in the sand; people just keep cutting into the lines to draw power to their homes.

One day I was invited into the current house of the family we were building for. It was a one room house with no foundation. It was filthy and lacked insulation. The home we built had a flat, concrete foundation, two rooms and windows. The high school kids pooled their personal money so that we could buy drywall and paint to do a little extra on the interior than the original plan called for. What a moving experience--to see kids throw their own money into a hat to do more for those who have less.

I worked hard that week. It was physically exhausting. But it was fun too. What a blast to be "at camp" with all those awesome high school students. While we were working on the house we sang. When we were back at the camp we sang and laughed. One afternoon we stopped at a taqueria for great food. And there was the adventure when I was driving a van out of Mexico and nearly killed myself and some students while trying not to lose the caravan...

The kids from St. Therese were filled with faith and passion. I went on that trip because their enthusiasm to work on that project was contagious. I am grateful to those students (who are all adults now! AHH!) for all that they taught me about faith and fellowship. I am grateful that they invited me to take this trip with them and share in such an amazing weeklong experience. I am grateful to the family who accepted our help and allowed us to work with them.

I helped to build a home in Mexico.

30 before 30: chasing dead relatives

2012-01-30T22:55:00.000-08:00

I am blogging my way through my 30 accomplishments before I turn 30...

In 2010 we took a family trip to Ireland. It was an amazing trip for many reasons and you can click on that link if you want to read about our trip.

What I loved most about that trip is how we spent one memorable day "chasing dead relatives" as our guide Liam called it. He said it is quite common for people to return to Ireland and look for family history. I thought we were going to go visit the towns my great-grandmother and great-grandfather were born in. Turns out we took a little adventure.

We started by meeting up at the home of some distant cousins. Let me tell you-- we thought it sounded a little sketchy. We landed in Dublin and were told that these cousins we had never met were sending us transportation to take us to their home. We had no idea what to expect and we joked that all eight of us would be showing up in some tiny apartment with some crazy people. We were wrong.

First of all we got picked up in some fancy cab bus that fit all of us. Then we pulled up to a gorgeous home where the table was set with the fine china. My grandfather met his first cousin and there were lots more cousins of varying degrees and of all ages.

Brandon, me, an Irish cousin, my sister Cristina, my brother Ryan and another distant cousin Pedraig

Then there was a traditional Irish dinner that was pretty amazing. And wine. And beer. And cake. And all our fears about this dinner with our Irish family were gone. They were fabulous people and quite the dinner hosts.

They had a fancy cake for us.

The next day we left Dublin and headed west and north into areas not usually destined for tourists. My mom had done some primary research and so we knew what towns we were headed for. We were in search of the home where my great-grandfather was born. We ended up in a town where we learned that our name was actually a variation of "Towey" and it turns out just about everyone in the town had the same last name. Liam divided us up and sent us into local bars and told us to ask people about our great-grandfather. Yes, we actually went into bars and markets and asked people if they knew about a man who died 40 years ago. First of all, let me tell you how difficult is to ask about a guy named "Anthony Towey" in a town where everyone has an uncle or cousin or brother named "Anthony Towey." Secondly, we actually got some useful information.

The "Towey" kids

So we did what anyone would do next: we went to the cemetery and started searching for headstones. Since my great-grandfather died in the United States, we were looking for the burial sites of his parents. We spent at least an hour searching through a cemetery from the late 1800 and early 1900s. The thing about old cemeteries in Ireland is that amongst the many marked graves there are hundreds and thousands of unmarked sites for those who died in the famine. Due to the mass of poor people who died during the famine, many were placed in mass graves. Others were marked simply with a stone. It was humbling, sad and educational. As we walked through the final resting place of so many Irish, I was full of mixed emotions for so many people who had died. We read so many headstones and wondered about so many of the people who are buried there. It felt a bit strange, so I appreciated when Liam told us that he believed that the dead were to content to have any visitors.

My parents trying to read the worn down inscriptions

After we failed to find what we were looking for on the "old" side of the cemetery we crossed the street to the more recent side. Naturally, my brother and dad struck up conversation with a grave digger. All of a sudden the grave digger is on his cell phone talking to the guy who is the holder of the church records. And 15 minutes later I am walking down a country road in Ireland with my family with some vague instructions on how to get to the home of this guy. We find his home and he leads us to his backyard where he has laid out several books on the table.

Handwritten church records.

Unfortunately the record books didn't have exactly what we were looking for. But it was pretty amazing to be sitting in an Irishman's backyard, looking through handwritten death records.

Next thing we knew we were back in the van on the way to the little village where we had heard the family property was. We had a small description from the Dublin family of what we were looking for, so we started looking for a "boreen." Now if you know what a boreen is, you are far ahead of where we were (turns out it is a little path-- a little path that the cows took).

We were on a tiny little road in our huge van and we started stopping at people's homes to ask if they knew where the "Towey" property was. People kept pointing. The kids followed us with bikes. My dad introduced himself to all the neighbors, each time repeating the story of what we were looking for.

My dad talking to one of the locals.

Finally we found the boreen. After a days worth of searching, we walked down a little worn out path to find the remains of a one room home where my great-grandfather was born.

The boreen.

There was little left to be seen on the property where my great-grandfather was born. We found a few rusty tools and some falling down walls. But I was standing in a place where three generations ago my family had humble beginnings. I reflected on how lucky I was to be there with my parents, my siblings, my grandfather and my husband. I marveled at how amazing it was that in one short day we had such an exciting adventure, searching for just a little proof that one day our family before us had walked those same streets.

Remains of the home.

We continued our trip as planned and had a lot of other amazing experiences unrelated to searching for our family. At the end of our trip we made a brief detour to have lunch in the town where my great-grandmother was born. But that one day was special to me and all of my family. On that day we put aside our own desires. We put aside our biases and fears. We trusted in our Irish guide and we met a lot of people along the way. One day in Ireland we chased dead relatives.

30 before 30: I went to university

2012-01-29T20:44:00.000-08:00

My parents were the first in their families to graduate from college. Although they hoped for us to go to college, they never made a big deal of it. What I mean to say is that they never said we had to go to college; but they did make a big deal out of what college was for and what it would do for us and our lives. They laid the framework and as a result I never had any doubt that I wanted to go to college.

Since I attended an all-girls college preparatory school, there was quite a lot of discussion about college and universities. At that time I wasn't really interested in leaving the west coast, so I applied to several private, Catholic colleges in California, Oregon and Washington, plus UC Berkeley. I also applied to Stanford on a wish and a prayer since it was my grandma's dream to have a grandkid go to Stanford and she threw out that she would pay for college if I got accepted. Ya, that didn't happen.

I was home alone one evening in December of 1999 when I received my first acceptance letter from Gonzaga University. I cried. It made college feel real. I was going to college.

In the end my choices came down to Gonzaga, University of San Francisco, University of San Diego and Santa Clara. I loved every one of those schools, but in the end I ended up at the University of San Diego. The Toreros.

I started at USD in the fall of 2000. I declared Political Science as my major and moved into the dorms. I had chosen Theology and Religious Studies as my minor, but very soon into my courses I fell in love with that field and chose to double major in Poly Sci and Religion.

In my first week of school I started working for Banquets and Catering, a job that I worked at until the day I graduated. That job defined a lot of my experience at USD. I made many lifelong friends working in B&C. I also had amazing opportunities in that job. As a server and supervisor in that job I was blessed with the chance to attend many special events at USD. I served dinner to Jimmy Carter and Jenny Craig. I served a private breakfast to Supreme Court Justice Scalia. I regularly served in the home of the University president.

In addition to working at Banquets and Catering, I chose to work for The Vista, the USD student newspaper. As a freshman I was a staff writer. My sophomore year I was a page editor. My first senior year I was the Opinion editor and my second senior year I was the Managing editor.

I thrived at USD. I made lifelong friends. I learned lifelong lessons. I had the opportunity to live in Spain (story forthcoming). I believe that attending university made me a better critical thinker and challenged me to be a life-long learner. USD gave me the chance to grow in my faith and in myself as a person. In it is a time in my life that I am grateful for. Most of all I am grateful to my parents for knowing that it would help me grow and prepare me for my life. I am thankful that their experience was valuable enough to them that they made whatever sacrifices necessary to send me and my siblings to college.

In one short blog post I can't describe all the ways I loved my experience at USD and how happy I am to have had my time there. But I am proud of what I accomplished there academically. I made amazing friends. And one day I hope that my kids will want to follow in my footsteps and go to college as well.

30 before 30: half marathon

2012-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

If you are just joining us, I am blogging my way through 30 things I have accomplished in my life!

In March 2009 I achieved my greatest athletic feat thus far. I ran a half marathon.

I ran 13.1 miles.

As I've mentioned before, I am not the most athletic person in my family. Training for a half marathon was difficult. It took at lot of focused planning and dedication. I fought a lot of battles in my head to avoid quitting. But thanks to the encouragement of my husband and sister, I spent several months training and preparing for the half. (If you want, you can read my complete history of running here.)

I didn't win any awards or set any records. But in 2009 I ran 13.1 miles and I am proud of that. I am proud that I set a goal and I achieved it.

Kevin (friend), Brandon (husband), me and Cristina (sister) after we finished the Shamrock'n Half Marathon.

In the last couple weeks I have started running again. My brother challenged us to run a half marathon in April. I am not sure that I can physically prepare that quickly. I am not sure that I even want to try to run that distance again. But I am happy to be running again and I look foward to whatever races are in my future!

30 before 30: we own a home

2012-01-27T20:26:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I loaded the girls up in the wagon and we went to the park. I put the girls in the swing and within minutes I had a fan club. A group of four girls, aged 7-9, were asking me questions about my babies. When I took Grace and Ana out of the swings, the playground girls asked if they could play with my babies. It was adorable.

Swinging at the park this afternoon

A little over two years ago we started looking for a home. Since Brandon and I worked more than 30 miles apart, we had a lot of choices of towns to live in. We finally decided on a county and went to work looking at different homes in several different cities.

In the end it came down to two different homes. I wanted a small, rundown, 1970s ranch style home in a pretty posh town within walking distance to the lake. I loved the huge backyard, the established trees and the proximity to outdoor activities. I loved the charm and the idea that we could make it whatever we wanted since it needed a significant amount of work. Brandon wanted the early 90s suburban home near a school and parks in the town that I grew up in. It was move-in ready (except a necessary coat of paint inside), was on wide streets and was much bigger and nicer. In the end, we went with the house Brandon loved.

This house has had more than its fair share of issues. Let me tell you, homeownership can be a bitch when things are leaking, falling over or overflowing. I don't know how many times I have cursed being a homeowner and wishing I had a landlord to call. But this is our home. This is the home we bought so we would have a safe place to raise our children. This is the home that together we have decorated and filled with furniture and joy and laughter.

And today when my babies were surrounded by neighborhood children who wanted to talk to me and play with my babies, I remembered how blessed I am that we are able to own a home in this great town and how happy I am to be in this house. Our house. Our home.

30 before 30: I cook

2012-01-26T20:47:00.000-08:00

(Dinner always tastes better with a beer)

When I was growing up we rarely went to restaurants. We never had take out. My mom was a working mom and then she came home and cooked dinner. Every night.

Of course there was the occasional special night out, but for the most part I remember having dinner around the table with my family. Dinners were healthy, balanced and homemade. Did I mention that they were good? My mom is a fabulous cook and I've spent more than ten years learning from her.

Some things I learned by doing. I remember when I was probably 13 years old she called before she left work and talked me through browning beef, onion, tomato paste and then adding the ingredients to make spaghetti sauce. Other favorite recipes have been learned by writing down her recipes by hand and attempting them over and over again in my own kitchen. The favorites that now grace my kitchen are enchiladas, Dijon chicken and sausage soup. Many nights were simple and healthy: grilled chicken, rice and vegetables. Others like swiss steak and chicken cacciatiore were specialties that still remain mysteries to me.

I am grateful to my mom for a lot of things, but cooking is one that will always be high on my list. She taught me to cook healthy, cook well and to cook out of love. This is better for my family and our budget. I look forward to sharing family dinners around our kitchen, creating the kind of memories I have with my dad, mom, sister and brother. I have learned to love the kitchen and not to be afraid to try new things.

I am proud that I can cook. And I am proud that I cook for my family.

30 before 30: I got married

2012-01-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

When I was 18 and not totally sure of myself, I met a boy when we were both cast in a high school musical. He had a girlfriend and I wasn't interested in him, but we were friendly and enjoyed each other's company. We went on to graduate high school and saw each other a few more times before I went off to college in the fall.

In October of that year I received one of those chain emails from him, asking me all sorts of "get to know you" questions. I played along. Soon enough we were chatting on AIM. Then there were phone calls. I came home on fall break and he asked to meet me and my friends at a restaurant. My friend said if he was wearing cologne, a collared shirt and sat next to me it meant he liked me. I am not exaggerating when I say that he climbed over a table to sit by my side. He looked adorable and smelled of cologne. A month later we went on our first date.

He told me after only months that he knew he wanted to marry me.

It took some time and a lot of growing before we finally got around to it. Sometimes meeting the person you love when you are young is difficult. We had some rough patches while we both figured out who we were and what we wanted from life.

But after six years he stood on a mountain and proposed to me. On July 7, 2007 I married Brandon Christopher. The Catholic mass was everything we wanted it to be as we selected the readings that represented what we believed about marriage and music that meant so much to us (sung by a dear friend that we love).

Brandon kissing the bride =)

In front of our surprise wedding transportation-- a classic car owned by Betty Grable.

Photos at sunset.

Yes, I know everyone has a photobooth at their wedding these days. But we invented that shit!

And the party? Let's just say that I am sorry if you weren't there. It was that good.

I was 25 years old on the day I got married. I am proud that this year we will celebrate five years of marriage. I look forward to all the days and years ahead with the great man I married!

30 before 30: World Series

2012-01-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

I didn't grow up as a baseball fan. But somewhere along the lines of being with Brandon I had a change in heart. I grew to love the San Francisco Giants to the point where I watch games by myself and listen to all the sports talk radio I can when I am driving.

Even though we live 100 miles from San Francisco, we have been blessed with lots of opportunities to go to SF Giants games. But in the midst of the San Francisco Giants' playoff run in 2010, it never occurred to me that I would be attending a World Series games. Until my dad handed me two tickets, that is.

World Series, Game 2.

One of the best conversations I have ever had with my husband was when I told him that he was going to see his favorite team play in the World Series. People spend their whole lives wishing to go to a game this important. And here I was, only 28 years old, lucky to have such a chance.

Did I mention that I was 33 weeks pregnant? And that after we watched game 1 of the World Series we went to Labor and Delivery because I was having contractions? Don't worry, I got the clearance to go to the game.

Brandon outside of AT&T Park before Game 2 of the World Series.

The entire experience was surreal. I cannot even describe the electricity that was pulsing through the crowd. I will never remember the score, but I remember that it was fun. I remember that I was excited. I remember that the San Francisco Giants won. We had amazing seats near third base and it was the best baseball game I have ever been to.

Buster Posey in his first at bat.

So much of that experience gets glazed over in my memory of that time, because only four days later I went into premature labor. But I got to go with my husband to the World Series to watch our favorite team on their way to becoming World Champions. I am blessed to have been given such a gift and it stands among one of my greatest memories to have been there with my husband.

30 before 30: my first career

2012-01-23T16:49:00.000-08:00

When I decided to start my 30 before 30 project, I sat down to make sure I had 30 things I wanted to write about. What I didn't consider was the order in which I wanted to write about them. Due to lack of planning on my part, the follow up to my high school post is appearing much sooner than anticipated because today is kind of a special day... the birthday of Mary Ward, the foundress of the IBVM, the order who ran Loretto.

Once upon a time I was a teacher...

Just days away from graduating from university I received a phone call letting me know that a teaching position was opening up in theology department at the very high school I had graduated from. Every college student's dream is to have a job offer out of school. I was graduating midyear so I spent the spring substitute teaching and preparing for my first career. Teaching at Loretto was a dream come true and I looked forward to spending many years there.

When I started teaching at Loretto I was 23 years old. I was young and enthusiastic. I was dedicated and excited to learn. Brandon was living in Colorado so I dedicated every moment I had to teaching. In my short four years I taught Old Testament, Intro to Catholic Christianity, Sacraments, social justice, sexuality and morality. I went on service trips, led retreats and coached swimming. I was a moderator for class council and part of the faculty spirituality team. I lived every moment for that school and for the young women who went to school there.

It is hard to describe what those four years meant to me. The years I spent there as a teacher only reinforced everything I had loved about being a student there. I was empowered. I was encouraged. I was welcomed. I grew. And I grew up.

Most of all I had fun. Working in an all-girls high school is entertaining; the priorities and values of 15 year olds are often amusing. I enjoyed their laughter, their learning and even their occasional bouts of the dramatic. I loved their school spirit and their class spirit and their willingness to serve. I loved their attempts to distract me in class by asking about music, television or my impending wedding. I adored the silly pictures they drew in class or the terrible pottery they discarded on my desk. And I lived for the moments when one of them "got it"-- that moment when suddenly all the hours of preparation pay off because maybe just one student learned something about the subject, themselves or their faith.

And my coworkers? Some of the best friends and mentors I have ever met. We shared so much stress, joy and laughter with one another. I loved our late nights in pajamas on retreat, our after school "meetings" at the bar and just our simple moments in the faculty room. Mornings gathered around the coffee pot before the warning bell will always be one of my most subtle, but significant memories. Those men and women (many who were also my own teachers) welcomed me and supported me through every step of my short teaching career.

It is cliche to say that I learned so much more as a teacher than I ever did as a student, but it couldn't be more true. My students and my peers taught me about faith, dedication and love. I learned about trust and spirit. I learned how to lead by example and was constantly challenged to think about the choices I made. My time there reinforced that I am valuable and creative and that I can make a difference.

Almost exactly three years ago we learned that Loretto would be closing. It was an announcement that shook me to my core. A school as established, as beloved, as supported as our Loretto should never have to close its doors. The good people who worked there--some for longer than I had been alive--had to look for new jobs. Students had to choose new schools. Like the rest of the faculty, I spent months trying to decide what to do next with my life. I had opportunities to teach in different capacities, but my heart wasn't in it. So just four years into my teaching career, I put education aside and went to work for my dad.

Teaching isn't easy. Sure, there are a few months off in the summer and some time off during the school year, but don't be fooled. Teaching is physically, mentally and emotionally exhuasting. Classes were done at 3pm, but I was often grading or lesson planning until late in the evening. I spent hours preparing for just 45 minutes of teaching. Maybe the most difficult part for me was carrying the weight of my students' worries with me. In the course of teaching you learn the stories of students. It is difficult not to go home and think of those kids and the troubles they have.

When I left teaching I told myself that I could go back. Today I am not sure if or when that will be. I am sure that I would be fine in any school, but part of me knows that I would always be comparing it to Loretto, to a time in my life that wasn't perfect, but was pretty damn amazing.

Once upon a time I was a teacher. And I loved it.

Save Loretto Rally

On retreat at Lake Tahoe, 2009

Chaperoning Prom 2009- all Loretto alumnae!

30 before 30: Hitting the slopes

2012-01-22T21:33:00.000-08:00

If you are just joining us, I am blogging my way through 30 things I have done in my life.

I am not the most athletic person in my family. My sister and brother are the natural athletes, excelling at pretty much any sport or endeavor they have ever undertaken. They were named MVPs of swimming, water polo and and soccer while I prided myself on earning awards for team spirit. Although I was never the best at any sport, I do pride myself on trying hard and being aggressive. While athleticsm doesn't come naturally to me, I don't use it as an excuse to sit on the sidelines.

With that said, extreme sports were definitely not in my life plan. I had no false illusions that I was going to be great on anything that involved a board. Yet here I am, almost 30 years old, and I CAN WAKEBOARD and I CAN SNOWBOARD!

After I graduated from high school my dad bought a boat. We loaded it up with wakeboard gear and I was so excited to learn to wakeboard. Too bad I sucked. Actually, it wasn't even that positive. I couldn't even get up. I tried over and over again. My dad gave me hints. My sister tried to explain how it worked for her. My brother kept saying "you can do it!" My mom patiently waved the flag over and over again. I just couldn't do it. Day after day I felt like my arms were falling out of their sockets from letting the rope pull me. I spent an entire summer failing at getting up on a wakeboard. It was terrible. But the next summer I tried again. Again. And again. Finally I succeeded. And ever since then I have been able to wakeboard. I am not a great wakeboarder. I happily practice small jumps and enjoy the view from the back of the boat while my brother and his friends do 360s and tricks I don't even know how to name. But I did it; I learned to wakeboard and I can say that I AM a wakeboarder!

While wakeboarding is a big accomplishment, I think that snowboarding is probably a bigger deal to me.

So much talent that I can photograph myself while boarding. I know you are jealous.

We all started skiing when we were young kids. Through lots of practice and skiing with my parents (who are great skiers), I actually became quite a good skier by the time I was in middle school. Right about that time snowboarding gained in popularity. My athletic sister and brother, along with most of our family friends, became snowboarders. I continued schlepping my skis and poles and wearing awkward boots while the cool kids had their single snowboard and more fashionable snowboard clothing.

I continued skiing for another 10 years before I decided to take the plunge into snowboarding when I was 23 years old. I had just graduated college and moved home. I was looking for a way to reintegrate myself into life in Norther California. I was looking for new challenges and ways to hang out with friends. So I went to Tahoe and took snowboard lessons with my friend. Then I went back by myself and took more lessons. After years of speeding down black diamonds on skis, I spent hours on the bunny slopes by myself practicing turns and falling on my ass, riding my sister's long since discarded snowboard that Santa had purchased at Costco in the late 90s.

My view.

Learning to snowboard wasn't easy for me. My body ached. I suffered a lot of foot pain as I looked for the right boots. I spent a lot of time alone while my family and friends sped off on more difficult terrain. But today I am proud that I can snowboard and that I challenged myself to do something that wasn't easy.

Yes, I am such a badass that I wear a helmet.

30 before 30

2012-01-21T16:02:00.000-08:00

(Oh, hi! I am back! Some of you probably have forgotten who I am... well this blog series will be a good reminder! Thanks for welcoming me back after a six month hiatus. I appreciate it!)

In exactly 30 days I will turn 30 years old...

30 used to seem so far away. When I was in my teens and early twenties, I thought 30 was an age of accomplishment. I expected to feel and act a certain way. Now that I am just 30 days away, I can't say that I feel older or accomplished like I imagined I would. I just feel like me.

Many people have a 30 before 30 list or some sort of life list. There are things I want to do and accomplish in this lifetime, but as I have gotten closer to this milestone age I have found myself thinking less about what I haven't accomplished and more about what I have.

I am dedicating these next 30 days to writing about the things I have done in my life. Some of them are big things, others are significant only to me or my family. But they are all things that I am proud of.

So without futher ado...

30 before 30: I graduated from high school

Ok, don't judge me for choosing that as my first accomplishment. There was never any doubt that I would graduate from high school. Graduating is not what I am most proud of. What makes high school an accomplishment for me is that I allowed it to shape me. I learned how to be comfortable with myself and my relationships. I learned that who I am is valuable and worthy. And I had fun.

I went to an all-girls Catholic school named Loretto. My parents encouraged me to go there because of the academic challenge. I was excited to go there because I needed a change from the small, suburban public school system I had grown up in. It was scary to change school systems. I knew only one acquaintance going there. I was terrified that I would be judged and disliked. I wasn't sure if I would make friends.

And you know what? I loved that place and the people I met there. I revered the teachers and built life-long relationships with my peers. I learned to believe in myself and my abilities. I learned how to be a good friend. I grew in my faith and spirituality. I left high school more whole.

I am proud of the four years I spent in that place. I am proud to have been a student there and thankful that I had the opportunity to walk through the gates there each and every day. And most of all, I am happy that the relationships that started on that small campus in 1996 are still thriving in my life.

fill in the blank friday

2011-08-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've only been gone from blogging for like, oh, a couple of months. I have tried to write a few posts but nothing inspired me. Then I stumbled upon a new blog and found this. So I thought I would join up. It is like Mad Libs, but less inappropriate!

Here is Fill in the Blank Friday from the little things we do.

1. One of life's most simple pleasures is drinking wine with family and friends.

2. Driving at or below the speed limit makes me want to punch someone.

3. I like reality television because those crazy people make me feel normal.

4. Oy is a funny word. "Oy with the poodles already!" If you know that quote, I love you.

5. If I had to choose one beauty product to use for the rest of eternity it would be conditioner. I love to condition my hair! "Conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth!" You should also know that quote.

6. I'm happy that I have two hands, two feet, two eyes, two ears and two babies .

7. I would never say never. You never know what might happen ;)

Checking in...

2011-07-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

We've been busy around our house.

There are two crawlers.

11 teeth.

We are saying goodbye to another size of clothes and moving into 9 month and 9-12 month sizes.

Ana likes to pull herself to stand anywhere there is something to hold onto...whether it is safe or not.

Grace can say "da" "ba" and "ma" over and over again.

They eat mostly whole foods like fruit, bread and meat; they only eat purees with the babysitters.

They love the dog.

Their smiles keep getting bigger and their sense of exploration and adventure is growing.

I love them.

Easy margaritas

2011-07-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen I am going to share with you the easiest and most delightful summer margarita recipe.* This is amazingly delicious. Go make it. Right now.

Ingredients: 1 can of limeade (I think it tastes best with Minute Maid), 1 can of lemon-lime soda, 1 can of beer and tequila. Mix equal parts of each (use the Minute Maid can to measure tequila. Warning: it is a LOT of tequila. Sometimes I don't put a full can because it is too much!)

Stir. Because of the beer it is going to be yellowish-brown. Don't worry about the color. It is delicious.

Serve and enjoy!

And because I know I have a lot of underage readers, I present you with an equally awesome non-alcoholic alternative:
Limeade. Enjoy.

*This is not my own recipe; it was from a friend of my mom's, so I am giving credit to that person, even though I don't actually know who that person is.

Video killed the radio star

2011-07-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

Want to know something weird about a twenty-something living in the digital age?

I HATE VIDEO.

I don't hate movies or anything. And I don't care if everyone else wants to record their lives. But I don't really "get" it. I didn't really "get" it before YouTube even existed. I just don't like videos of my life.

Maybe it's because my grandma was obsessed with her video camera and carried it to every family function and trip around the world. Then I spent hours of my formative years watching her fast-forward through 93 minutes of the sidewalk in Prague.

I know there are some videos of my childhood. One rare occasion we tried to watch one and it was 20 minutes of us playing in mud by the lake: riveting stuff people. Then there are the many, many clips of my dad's shaky hand recording the wrong kid at swim meets (in his defense, it can be hard to distinguish little people in the water).

My mother-in-law was shocked when I said there would be no videographer at our wedding. Her kids used to love to plop down on the couch and watch their wedding video. I really didn't see much use. I was pretty confident I would never watch it. In my defense, it's been four years and I have never once regretted not having a video. (There is ONE thing I wish had been videotaped-- when all the guys at the wedding got down on their knees and sang "You've Lost That Lovin Feeling." It.was.awesome. Totally YouTube material)

Now I have my own kids and sometimes they do something cool and I think to myself, "shoot, I should probably video tape that." And then I wonder why, because I really don't have much intention of ever watching it.

It's not that I don't want to remember. Quite the opposite actually-- I am a huge lover of nostalgia and I value my experiences with people and in life above most things. But I am happy with a beautiful picture and the memories of those moments.

Oh, and I hate the way I sound on video. Maybe that's it.

Making baby food

2011-07-11T14:47:00.000-07:00

This is not revolutionary or very exciting... so many of you probably will want to skip this post! But I have a few friends who have asked me about making baby food lately, so here we go...

I decided to make my own baby food because I wanted to know exactly what was going into my kids' bodies. I was nervous that I was going to do something "wrong" when making the food but it turns out that it is VERY easy to do and I have fun making it now!

We started with bananas (success!) and avocado (failure) which do not require any cooking. The first cooked food I made was sweet potato. Since then I have made green beans, yams, acorn squash, butternut squash, carrots, lamb, peas, zucchini and broccoli.

The sweet potatoes, yams, carrots and green beans were all steamed first. The squash are best cooked in the oven in about an inch of water. I cook them at 400 degrees for about 35 minutes. This is acorn squash and butternut squash (get your mind out of the gutter).

This weekend I tried making peas for the first time. Since I have been buying only fresh ingredients, I hadn't gotten to peas yet (you can usually only find frozen in the store). I bought some at the farmer's market the other day so after a long time shucking them, I got this small amount of peas:

Not sure it was worth all that work for such a small return on the peas.

I break down the food using my trusty Cuisinart! In the beginning I added milk or formula to make it the right consistency. Now I reserve the water from cooking the vegetable and then add it until I get the consistency I want. Warning: when the food is defrosted they tend to be a little more watery than they are before you freeze the food!

And voila! I scoop them into ice trays. Two of these are the fancy baby ones that have a lid (which are fantastic! I love them!) but the other two are $.99 cube trays from Target. Whatever you have will work!

I just put these in the freezer and then take them out as necessary!

Trying meat really freaked me out. I boiled lamb and then pureed it in the food processor. But the consistency of that was just strange. So I ended up mixing the lamb with sweet potato. If anyone has better ideas on how to prepare the meat, let me know!

Happy cooking my friends!

Grab a beer!

2011-07-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

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Well I tried to post with Kim last week but blogger hated me and now my pictures are lost in the internets. Aren't you sad you will never those pictures?!

Let's start with a little special series entitled "Ana falls asleep wherever she wants." She is officially CRAWLING and basically getting into all sorts of trouble. So I assume that all this movement makes her super tired.

Asleep in her high chair.

Asleep in her jumperoo.

Asleep in the backpack. And those pictures are all from this week.

I made these chocolate dipped strawberries for Brandon for our 4th anniversary (traditional gift: fruits and flowers)

We celebrated at a fabulous restaurant. Wine for BG, Cosmo for me!

Brandon wrote this really nice blog about me and all he got is this picture from my phone. I love you babe!

I am all about reading, but I do have to wonder what we are teaching our children when the books have made up words like "table," "chair," and "sofa."

Brandon loves to bring the girls to bed on the weekends.

I skipped lunch one day this week for a much needed pedicure...

Us girls pre-shopped the Anniversary Sale at Nordstrom. The girls got balloons (and shoes and legwarmers!) (Sorry Aunt Cristina that we didn't come visit you in SF!) (if anyone wants to shop in Roseville or San Francisco I will set you up with great people to shop with!)

My mom bought the girls these adorable rompers with little watermelon butts. So cute!

Pretty sure this isn't safe.

I was nursing Ana in bed and looked over the edge to see only Grace's arm.

I pulled up the ruffle and there she was, smiling big! Apparently she likes it under the bed!

Ana took this picture for you. The end.

if you buy this we can't be friends

2011-07-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

I went to ~~Disneyland~~ Costco last week and as always I checked out all of the unnecessary items I could buy in bulk. And then I came across this gem:

That is one year emergency food supply in the form of freeze-dried and dehydrated food. 17,586 servings of food in 336 cans.

In event of emergency, I will be eating from the 336 cans of tomato paste that I keep forgetting I already have in the back of my pantry.

Grab a beer because I'm back!

2011-06-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

I know. It's been weeks since I've done a picture post. Get over it. I am a busy woman and if my phone isn't in Ana's mouth, I am using it to take another picture of her sweet face or of Grace, and really people would stop reading my blog if I posted EVERY picture I took of my girls. That's why I stopped reading your blog. (Kidding) (Kind of) (I like variety)

Without further ado, here is two weeks worth of pictures, broken up into three sections:

I. Stuff you don't care about

II.Weddings of people you don't know

III. Pictures and stories of my kids

Part I: Stuff you don't care about

I have turned into a bag lady. On any given day I can been seen carrying all this crap around: my swim bag, my pump, my bag/purse of personal belongings and my laptop. I look like a nut. Maybe cuz I am.

Speaking of bags... check out this gem. Um, the bag isn't really my style to begin with. But then the whole Daniel Boone look really takes this to a whole new level. Hi, we live in the suburbs, not the wild, wild west. Leave your raccoon hat at home.

I had to stop for this drawbridge. I was pretty amazed that drawbridges actually get used. And then I was terrified to drive across, like it was going to fall or something. Um, ya.

My parents did some reorganization of their office and so Brandon and I inherited this daybed for our office. I am really excited because our office looks better and now I have a very comfortable place to lay and watch tv. Thanks mom!

On Wednesday morning I found this guy in my sink. I named him Frank. Then I blocked the disposal and covered the sink so he couldn't escape and waited for my brother--in-law to get to my house and save him =)

Frank came to visit again tonight. He stayed outside this time.

I made a nice little cheese display for my mom. I got skills.

Part II: Weddings of people you don't know.

My sister-in-law got married last weekend at a mansion near the Delta. We had so much fun!! I was a bridesmaid. Here I am messing around while we were up in the room waiting for the wedding to start.

It was a beautiful wedding and my sister-in-law was the most gorgeous bride I have ever seen. I have a ton of pictures, but it was her day, not mine. So all you get is this sneak peek...

Last night we went to the wedding of a long time family friend. It was a blast because all of our friends were there. It was held on their family property and it was a beautiful ceremony set against a pond and the reception in the backyard.

The centerpieces had bright flowers in mason jars and there was homemade strawberry jam on all the tables. That's my sissy in the background, pretending not to be in the picture.

Two weddings in two weeks is enough. Moving on.

Part III: Pictures and stories of my kids

If I wasn't too lazy to upload pictures from my camera, you would have some cute, "real" pictures of my kids. Instead you get life captured by my iPhone.

My kids wrestle everyday. And by wrestle I mean that Ana attacks Grace when she wants the toy Grace has or also for no apparent reason. Ana will army crawl right over Grace and my poor Gracie just looks stunned.

"Hey mom! Let me out!"

In addition to her wrestling and army crawling skills, Ana has also recently learned how to pull herself up on the bumpers or side of the crib. Tonight we lowered the crib so that I don't walk in and find herself hanging over the edge.

For a safer naptime until we had time to lower the mattress I put Ana in the pack n' play. She did not like it. She spent all of naptime trying to claw her way out. Naptime fail.

I try really hard to keep the girls out of the sun. Unfortunately they look to be as fair skinned as I am, so I want to protect my poor little babies. When I got back from my walk the other day I noticed that their little feet had slipped out.

For those of you who made it all the way through my silly photos, you are rewarded with the two cutest faces I ever have seen.

dreaming of my happy place...

2011-06-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my happy place: a place high up on a mountain, nestled in next to Donner Lake, a place where I can swim, wakeboard, hike and throw the ball in the water for the dog in the summer. A place where I can snowboard and sit in complete awe of the snow in the winter. And between the two seasons of extreme sports is the fall- my favorite time when the ride up the mountain is transformed by trees on fire with yellow, orange and red leaves.

I am dreaming of my happy place-- an area that I have visited so many times in my life that I can drive the roads comfortably in the dark and in the snow. It is a place that holds memories of early ski lessons, camping trips, family Christmases, 4th of July and my engagement. In that place I have experienced snow storms and rain storms. When I am there I feel small next to enormous trees and pristine lakes.

There are many places on this great Earth that I love including Hawaii and Spain. But maybe it is the familiarity and my deep roots that always call me back to a little area in the greater Lake Tahoe area called Truckee. My heart yearns to be there.

This is the longest period in my life I have gone without visiting there. Where for years I went almost every month, it has been ten months since I visited last, when I was five months pregnant with my babies. Since then there has been no time for snowboarding or hiking. But in August we will go back again, this time with our family a little bigger. And I ache for my babies to have the same love for this place I love, this place that I plan on taking them back to, season after season.

I am thinking of the cold waters of Donner on my toes. I am imagining the scent of your trees. I am planning the hikes. Until then I am dreaming of you, Truckee.

I would rather

2011-06-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

I would rather freeze to death in the snow than suffer through a hot, stifling death.

I would rather wear flip flops than tennis shoes.

I would rather wear heels if they didn't kill my feet.

I would rather have a dog than a cat.

I would rather find a frog in my sink than a bug.

I would rather go without heat than without air conditioning.

I would rather eat cookies than vegetables.

I would rather have drinks at bar while socializing than dance at a club.

I would rather drive than be a passenger.

I would rather have the aisle seat than the window seat.

I would rather jump into the middle of a lake than walk into it from shore.

I would rather snowboard than wakeboard.

I would rather write a blog than do laundry or dishes or vacuum.

I would rather be skinny than rich. (I think) (I am neither)

I would rather use Facebook than Twitter.

I would rather watch The Hangover than Anchorman.

I would rather eat brussel sprouts than broccoli.

I would rather take a shower than a bath.

I would rather cook than go out.

I would rather laugh than cry.

I would rather spend time looking at my babies more than any other pasttime I used to enjoy.

What would you rather?

my 200th post will be about a bagel

2011-06-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

I don't really care about celebrating my 200th blog post. But I just happened to notice it when I went to write a new one. In honor of this, do a little happy dance for me. Okay? Good. Did you do it? Did you dance?

One of the many lovely perks of working at my job is that on Friday mornings we get Noah's Bagels. In the last few months it has been easy to pass up a bagel because I love cream cheese, and since nursing my little babes I have not been eating dairy. As a result, I have been skipping the bagel because it is just not as good without cream cheese.

(Side note: my husband hates cream cheese. WTF? Cream cheese is amazing. Whatever).

But this morning I rushed out of the house without having a proper breakfast and so when I got to work I decided to have a bagel. I chose a delicious cinnamon and sugar bagel and I put it into the toaster. When it popped up I grabbed it like always and immediately the cinnamon and sugar goodness welded to my finger and I dropped to my knees (literally) while yelling profanities. THE DAMN CINNAMON AND SUGAR BAGEL BURNT MY FINGER.

("The bagel bit my finger and it really hurt!" If you don't know what I am talking about, click here)

Now I was feeling like a real wimp, because c'mon, it is a bagel. It wasn't like I just grabbed a boiling pot of water or something.

But ladies and gentlemen I am here to warn you: BAGELS CAN BE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH:

See that white spot on my finger? That is a BLISTER. From getting burned. And trust me, it hurts. I spent most of the morning drenching it in burn cream. And let me tell you, typing without your index finger is nearly impossible.

And to think, if I had known that today was National Donut Day none of this would have ever happened.

on motherhood

2011-06-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

I wish I could give you a perfect mother. As it is, you have inherited a broken woman. I eat too much, I drink too much, I swear more than your grandma would want me to. I don't always make the best decisions on how to spend my money.

I have terrible fashion sense and I hate wearing makeup. I prefer flip flips to any other type of shoe. My eyebrows are always overgrown. I don't remember the last time I shaved my legs.

I cry when I am stressed, frustrated or overwhelmed. I cry when I am angry or tired. I cry when I am overjoyed and filled with love.

I talk too much. I talk too loud. Sometimes I say things that are hurtful.

I forget things that I said I would do. I procrastinate.

I am no good at keeping a journal, calendar, planner or for that matter, even my blog.

As you grow you will see that my armor has been chipped, that I am covered in bandaids trying to cover up the injuries my heart has suffered. The perfect mother that you see through infant eyes will melt away and what will be left is just me.

Me. Your mama.

I am broken but I heal a little when I hold your tiny hands. I look for ways to get better when I catch you looking at me. Your smile reminds me that there is good inside me.

I love deeply. I am passionate. I am creative.

I always give my best. I work hard.

I value relationships ahead of material items. I love all sorts of people, but I have a soft spot for talking to old men.

I know how to make sacrifices. I can make tough choices. I have chosen to do the right thing against popular demand.

I value life. I love travel. I appreciate language, culture and history. I have faith in God.

I have a sense of humor. I enjoy quiet time for prayer. I can sit in the woods or on sandy shores for hours and just appreciate the greatness of the earth.

I am not the perfect mother. But I am all you get. And I promise to give you all I have.

the hunger games

2011-05-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

Part of my absence in the last few weeks can be blamed on the four days I spent reading "The Hunger Games" series by Suzanne Collins. I was an absentee wife, mom and employee while I plowed through all three books. Several people have asked me questions about the books and the upcoming movie, so I decided to write a blog about it. I have tried to avoid spoilers in case you decide you want to read the books too!

Summary from Goodreads: In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the districts in line by forcing them all to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she steps forward to take her sister's place in the Games. But Katniss has been close to dead before—and survival, for her, is second nature. Without really meaning to, she becomes a contender. But if she is to win, she will have to start making choices that will weigh survival against humanity and life against love.

The Hunger Games is intriguing, smart, haunting and addicting. I couldn't put the books down and when I finished the first I was immediately anxious to read the next. The books have a lot of killing and military like content, but because it is young adult literature it thankfully lacks gruesome details. As a huge fan of the Ender's Game books, I found this a suitable comparison in that it uses children in decidedly adult roles in sort of a futuristic way. I loved Katniss as the main character, a young woman who I thought was portrayed mostly accurately for a 16-year old girl. Bottom line: this is a great series.

I LOVED the first two books (The Hunger Games and Catching Fire). Those two books have great continuity and tug at the same heartstrings. Nothing that I thought would happen did. I kept turning pages because I had to know what happened next. The final book in the series (Mockingjay) is my least favorite, but I understand that it was not going to be able to continue as the first two had. Even though I didn't love Mockingjay, I had to read it because I needed resolution of the story.

The Hunger Games movie comes out in 2012 and casting is nearly complete. Jennifer Lawrence has been cast as Katniss and Josh Hutcherson as Peeta. I don't have a lot of feelings about either of them, as for some reason I never had much of a vision of their faces in my head. They were both in critically acclaimed films last year so I imagine they are deserving of their roles. Lenny Kravitz will play the role of Cinna. Kravitz certainly doesn't fit the image I held in my head of Cinna, as I envisioned someone a little less sexy. Elizabeth Banks will play Effie. That one is great casting as is Woody Harrelson in the role of drunken Haymitch. Stanley Tucci will be playing Caesar, the interviewer. My husband doesn't really agree with that casting, but I can't really say for sure. All of the people from the capital should be costumed and made up strangely as the book describes, thus making for speculation of their characters difficult for me.

This is one of those series that will stay with me for a long time. The idea of putting teenagers in a fight-to-the-death match disturbed me the whole time I was reading, but I couldn't put it down. This is definitely a series you don't want to miss!

Graduation

2011-05-27T00:22:00.000-07:00

I almost didn't go to graduation on Wednesday night. I had meetings for work scheduled Tuesday and Wednesday that required me leaving the house in the morning earlier than normal. By Wednesday afternoon I was feeling detached from my babies and I was aching to go home and snuggle with them. But I had already arranged to attend graduation that night to watch some of my former students receive their diplomas. I was feeling overwhelmed with mom guilt at the thought of leaving my girls again. I tried to justify skipping it, thinking maybe my former students wouldn't notice if I didn't show. Besides, my husband was home sick, with pink eye too, and I couldn't very well leave him with two babies, could I?

In the end I left the husband with strict instructions on hand washing and I got myself downtown in time for graduation. I was only there a few minutes before running into one of my former students in the bathroom and it was just moments until I was fighting back tears. I needed to be there.

Just a few years ago they were bouncy freshman who brightened my classroom with joy and enthusiasm. They, like all of us, thought that in 2011 they would be graduates of Loretto High School. Two years ago I watched them as they were forced to choose new schools and new paths. As I watched the sea of young women in white caps last night, I wondered what they were thinking. I wondered if they related to everything the speakers talked about, or if they were thinking of how their experience was different from the rest.

As I watched the young women I used to know sit before me, I realized it was okay that I left my babies at home last night. Because the "Loretto girls" are my family too. I may be the weird old aunt they don't want to talk about, but still I am part of their past and they are part of mine. They are a part of my life that I am immensely proud of, a part of my life that has forever changed how I look at young women, and a part of my life that I will always miss. As I watched the Loretto women receive their diplomas I remembered that I always envisioned a family full of boys; I got twin girls. Sometimes I think God knows exactly what we need.

Loretto, I ache for you. Loretto women, I hold you always close to my heart. Red Robots, Loretto Class of 2011, I wish you congratulations. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives.

(AND YES, YOUR LETTERS ARE COMING SOON!)

how to eat a pb&j sandwich, erin style

2011-05-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

hi friends. i know, i know: it's been awhile since i've written a blog. i've got a whole list of reasons i haven't blogged:

i was sick
i didn't want to interrupt any exciting coverage about the rapture
i got myself involved in too many things again
i have twins
a dinosaur ate my computer. rawr.

but really i have just been feeling a little uninspired. which leads me to this post... i took pictures of how i eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. yes folks, we have reached a new low. so without further ado...

1. a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in its entirety. i am a CHUNKY peanut butter person. BG likes creamy. that means in our house we always have both kinds. but if you ask me, there is no excuse for creamy peanut butter. ever.

2. i eat the crust first by tearing off pieces. i do not bite.

3. crust has all been removed and consumed. NOW comes the yummy part.

4. sometimes i tear, sometimes i just bite in. the only thing that matters is that this is the BEST part of the sandiwch and i enjoy each little bite.

5. yum. pb&j with raspberry jam. all gone.

i know. you can hardly stand the excitement in this blog post.

I should have known

2011-05-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

I was afraid to have two babies.

I wanted at least one of them to be a boy.

Sometimes I am reminded that God and the universe know better than I do.

These are the babies I was meant to have.

At night I go in at least three or four times after they've gone to sleep. I rest my hand on their chests and I wait to feel their tiny lungs rise with a breath of air. When I feel the subtle movement, I breathe out my anxieties and find peace watching them sleep. I move my hand to their heads, where I run my fingers down their cheeks and whisper my love to them.

And again I think, these are the babies I was meant to have.

I am grateful. I am blessed.

People are going to get pretend angry now and unfollow me

2011-05-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

It took me awhile to come around to the Twitter. I had all sorts of fears about hashtags and understanding how the Twitter worked. In the last month or so I have embraced the Twitter and spend way too much time tweeting. Don't get me wrong, I find the Twitter immensely entertaining. There are a lot of people that I love following. In fact if those people unfollow me I will be hunting them down in twitterville. But there is much about Twitter that bothers me too. Let me share:

Most people on Twitter don't know each other in real life. After years of "stranger danger!" and "you don't know who people really are on the internet" I guess I didn't expect for there to be so many friendships based on blogs and 140-character tweets. There are certainly several Twitterers (and Twatters...) who I would like to know in real life, but for the most part Twitter is like "Second Life" with relationships that would never have existed if it wasn't for the internet.
Tweeters (WTF is the correct term for a person who tweets?) are passive-aggressive. There is an awful lot of gossip and cruelty between the women. And the use of "DM" to imply that there is a direct message being sent is cruel, as it can only make every other woman wonder, "Is she talking about ME?!"
There are cliques. Just like in seventh grade. Getting into the clique requires wearing the right outfit, knowing the right friends, having the cutest blog design and having the right number of blog followers.
Are there even any men on Twitter?
The answer is yes. The one man I know in real life who uses Twitter left his fiance for a woman he met ON TWITTER. So happy my husband prefers to "tweet" his 140-character thoughts on his blog. Also, that guy is a douche bag (the cheater. not my husband)
Twitter is, for some people, where they get all of their support and advice. While on occasion I need some love from the internet, I cannot comprehend turning to the Twitter for all things going on in my life. I have my husband, my mom, my sister and my fabulous, fabulous friends to cry with, to laugh with and to talk to when I am looking for emotional support. Yet somedays my Twitter feed looks like a mom's support group.
I know more about some of the people I follow on Twitter than I do about my self. Boundaries, people.
There are a lot of people without a good sense of humor. I tweet things that are hilarious and I get nothing. Post some inane tweet? 20 responses. What the hell?
What made you want to follow me anyway? I am some random chick in California with some babies and a job. Why yes, I DO think I am an awesome friend. But when it comes to the internet, I am a nobody. So for the most part I think you just want to follow me in hopes that I will read your blog and give you more followers.
Yes, your life is awesome. Yes, we all wish we could be you. Yes, we will now all tweet at you about how amazing your life is so you can feel warm and fuzzy while the rest of us quietly throw up in our mouths a little bit.
No, this is not about you.

Breathless

2011-05-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

There are some days, some moments, when everything seems like it is happening at once. I am suddenly overwhelmed and caught up in a tornado of emotions. Today is one of those days.

This is a perfect song for a day like today.

Baptism

2011-05-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

After being a religion teacher in Catholic school, I assume that my family and friends know how I feel about my faith. I don't really have a reason why I don't mention it much on my blog. But today is a special day for me and my family as the girls were initiated into the Catholic Church through baptism. It was a choice that I do not take lightly and I am so happy that today Ana and Grace were christened in the presence of family and friends.

In our parish we use full immersion baptism. Adults walk into the baptismal font, babies are dunked. Unfortunately my grandmother was photographing without a flash so all the pictures are blurry. Here is a mostly clear picture of the font. As an advocate of full immersion baptism, I love this:

And there she goes! Grace being baptized by Fr. Dillon, the priest I grew up with in my parish. He is phenomenal. For those who are curious, he only immersed them up to their chins. They were immersed three times and both girls cried shortly by the third dunk. As soon as they were wrapped up in towels they stopped crying.

Our family with our newly baptized girls:

This is Grace wearing the gown and bonnet that my mom, sister and I all wore at our own baptisms. Maybe one day a fourth generation will wear this as well! (There is also a nearly identical picture of me in this gown).

Ana looking adorable. When we found out we were having twins I was very upset that we only had one family gown. So my mom found this beautiful gown and we decided who wore which based on fitting.

Brandon and I with the godparents and the girls.

After the ceremony we hosted a dinner at our home. After all that excitement, I am exhausted!

Thank you to everyone who shared this day with us. I couldn't have asked for a better Mother's Day gift than to witness the welcoming of my beautiful daughters into the faith. Brandon and I are truly blessed to have amazing families and friends.

Grab a beer and check out my photos, YO

2011-05-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day, y'all!

1. Grace does not like her new menu.

2. Ana does.

3. Ana has discovered how to pull blankets over her face. She does not know how to take them off... so she screams.

4. There are geese everywhere with their goslings. It is adorable. Unless you are afraid of birds.

5. Don't worry, we didn't actually let her drink the margarita. But it didn't keep her from trying.

6. I am back in the pool. I swam four workouts last week. Hope I can make at least three this week!

7. I covet these shoes for my sister-in-law's wedding. They cost $395... so I will be looking for knock offs.

8. My husband "remembered" what I wanted and got me these from Mountain Girl Silver.Thank you babe!

on my swim goals

2011-05-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

somewhere around the time we moved last year, when the winter was at its darkest and coldest, just before i discovered that i was harboring twins inside me, i stopped going to swim. so after a year hiatus from my illustrious swimming career, i dove back into the pool yesterday for the first time.

not gonna lie: it kicked my ass. i have aerobic endurance. what i don't have is one ounce of strength in my arms. but today i dragged myself back to the pool and signed myself up for the torture again.

i am so happy to be back in the pool (minus the heinous sunburn. note to self: don't forget sunscreen). today i took a step toward accountability and commitment for the next eight months of swimming; i spoke out loud to one of my coaches a personal goal. in telling her what i want to accomplish, i now have someone to help me in my journey.

so sometime between now and february 21, 2012, i will swim in a swim meet.

this might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but i have never been a good swimmer. i swam because it was fun, because my family did it and because it was good for me. for the first time i am choosing to participate in a swim competition to prove to myself that i can. i have also set a time goal for one of the events and i am excited to work toward that goal.

i have high hopes for my health and weight goals. i am proud that a year after slinking away from the pool, i have returned unashamedly and declared that i will accomplish something.

girls: six months!

2011-05-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

i can't let today pass without acknowledging that my girls are six months old. it is also almost a year to the day that we learned we were having twins. that was a day that i will never forget; i was so confused, scared and shocked. i spent days in denial, weeks in complete shock and months utterly terrified of how my life was going to change. if i had known how much i was going to love having my twins, i certainly would have enjoyed my pregnancy much more! i don't do monthly updates, so don't get used to this. but six months seems like a good time to stop and see where the girls are in life so far!

to my girls: i have no idea how much you weigh or how long you are. but i know you are growing because when i pick you up you just keep getting heavier! you keep growing out of clothes, which is great because to be honest i get tired of you guys wearing the same thing every day. you two are totally on your own page when it comes to milestones, which is okay with us. we are happy that you are your own people.

ana, you can roll in both directions but you seem to forget that, because once you roll onto your tummy you just start crying. your favorite toys are an eeyore rattle and your sheep. you don't like large crowds of people and we are starting to think you act a bit like your aunt cristina. you are so strong and you act like you want to crawl! sorry, you are still immobile for now.

grace, you are the social butterfly. you smile at everything. you still like to read the warning label in the bathtub and you love the jumperoo. you tried banana this week and although you don't seem to like the taste, you keep swallowing it anyway. your calling card is your patented screech. it sounds like a combination of a raptor and a dying cat. it is hilarious. i like to think you are trying to sing.

the best thing about having two of you is watching you interact. you like to sleep snuggled up together and often you hold hands. and then there are the occastional goofy moments like today when intervention was needed to protect ana from getting kicked in the head.

i love my girls more than anything and i look forward to every moment i can spend with them!

grab a beer!

2011-05-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

Can't believe Kim has been hosting this for eight weeks already! Wow!

I've gone for a different format this week. Not much explanation necessary. My girls are adorable. My storage closet has become an office space and I spent a lot of time outside enjoying the spring weather. My girls are finally big enough to go in the jogger that I bought second hand and I love it!

Have a great week!

Tidbits

2011-04-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

I have been reading about 365 photo projects for over a year now. I wish I had been sensible enough to start one centering on my girls or at the beginning of the year or on a significant date like my birthday or something... but it didn't happen. So I am starting on May 1, inspired by Capture Your 365. I am pretty sure that I will not be successful at doing this on a daily basis, but I really want to try. I am also hoping that it will encourage me to learn how to, ummm, use my camera. I could easily do this using my iPhone and the Instagram app, but I want to try and use my actual camera instead.

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I am rejoining swim team starting on Monday. I used to go all the time and I loved it. During pregnancy I found it difficult to get myself out of bed to make 5:30am workouts. This time around I will probably only make it 2-3 times a week. But I hope to combine that with 2-3 runs a week plus some walking to make sure I get some sort of workout each day. I am super excited to get back into the pool. Swimming is very mentally challenging for me because there is so much monotony and time to think. I often like distractions (ahem, twitter, facebook, google reader...) but I am looking forward to this time to quiet myself and focus on my body and my inner being.

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I am not ashamed to say that there are several hours of royal wedding nonsense on my DVR. I am not obsessed with all the hype, but I do think it is an exciting and historical event. Prince William is the same age as I am and like many girls my age I grew up knowing that it would be someone my age who he married. Now I never had any false hopes that he was going to marry a commoner from some little country like America, but of course my adolescent self still wondered what it would be like to marry the real life prince of England. I haven't watched any footage yet and likely it will be days before I get a chance to sit down and watch it. But I did look at 3 or 4 pictures of Kate Middleton in her dress. All I have to say is that she looked absolutely stunning.

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Last night I met with Kim and Janelle. I have known Kim for a long time from our grad program, but I "met" Janelle through her blog, which Kim introduced me to. IF YOU ARE NOT READING THEIR BLOGS, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. Just sayin.

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Happy Friday y'all.

love you forever

2011-04-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

My parents had a copy of "Love You Forever" that they kept in their bedroom. It wasn't a book that they ever read to us. I remember pulling it out of their armoire and reading it to myself, and then putting back the only kids' book they had in their room. It was cute book, I thought, but I wasn't sure why it wasn't in one of our rooms like the rest of the kid books. My mom told me recently that that book made her cry. I wondered if that was why she never read it to us.

A couple of weeks ago I bought a few Robert Munsch books, including "Love You Forever." I read the other books to my girls the afternoon they arrived in the mail, saving "Love You Forever" until bedtime.

I couldn't get through the book.

After the first few pages I stopped for the first time to wipe away tears. I made it through a couple more pages before stopping again. Finally I quit reading the book entirely because I was uncontrollably sobbing.

Let's be honest. Part of the book is kind of creepy... I mean, the mom sneaks into her grown son's home and rocks him while he is sleeping. I am not even sure that is physically possible. But the premise is absolutely beautiful: that from her son's birth, she wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him how much she loved him.

I so get it now.

I go into my girls' room several times every night after we put them to bed, just to look at them. Some nights, like tonight, my heart aches to hold them. And even though I risk waking them up, even though I know I am supposed to leave them be, my arms reach out to them and I hold them to my chest and I think to myself, "I'll love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

on determination

2011-04-26T13:27:00.000-07:00

i have had determination since i was a little girl. my mom loves to tell the story of how when i was four or five years old, the dentist told me that i had to stop sucking my thumb. i went home, had one last moment with my thumb, and then quit thumb-sucking cold turkey. she thinks that determination is in me. she believes that i can do anything once i have decided to do it.

i think my mom is right. i don't want to like to be held back. i know that i can do anything i set my mind to.

then why is weight loss so damn difficult for me? why is that i constantly make choices to sabotage myself? how come i can do anything but convince myself that i want to lose weight?

i know that i am not happy the way i am. i accept that this is how i am right now which is a result of all the choices i have made, but i do not accept that this is who i am. the person who i am acting as right now has no discipline, no vision and no determination.

but this is not the person i have to be. i know who i am; i know that deep within me is hiding the true erin, the determined one, the girl who only occasionally shows herself now. that erin is not afraid of who she is, is not afraid of what people think. that erin, who knew herself better at five than she does at 29, is ready to face her challenges. that erin is done waiting.

today she is here.

Warning: Adorable pictures in my week in pictures

2011-04-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone come to Kim's linky party! Show us your week in pictures!

We have lots of little traditions with my mom's family. At Christmas we make tamales and at Easter we decorate eggs. I know, everyone colors eggs. But in our family we bust out a tin can full of crayons older than me, and we decorate ALL the eggs. Every egg has to be written on, drawn on or colored on. I LOVE this tradition and can't wait for my girls to be old enough! Here is a little collage of Easter photos:

THEY FIT IN A BASKET! Ugh, they are just so stinkin cute:

Another gorgeous spring sunset in California:

Ever since the job change I have been using my laptop at whatever desk wasn't being occupied by someone else. Well this week I finally got my own space. Why yes, it is being used a storage closet! And you know what? IT IS FINE WITH ME! I am hooked up to a printer and the desk is no one else's but mine. Maybe someday we will get around to cleaning up in there:

Grace says, "Happy Easter!"

how amazon is screwing with me, subtitled: don't judge a book by its cover

2011-04-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently I need to learn to read.

Or Amazon needs to stop selling arbitrary products.

Follow along:

This is one of our favorite books to read at bedtime. I purchased a copy of this book to send to my friend Ana in Spain to read to her son and daughter (on the way!)

Then I ordered this book because every book by Robert Munsch is awesome. I used to love this book when I was kid. So I ordered this one to read to my girls.

Now for some perspective.

I Have to Go is a normal sized, 8"x8" book. Time for Bed is 24"x24". THAT IS TWO FEET OF BOOK. WHO THE HELL NEEDS A BOOK THAT IS THAT BIG? Needless to say, I did not send this book to Spain.

Again, I Have to Go is our normal sized book. Thomas' Snowsuit is 2x2. INCHES. Is this a pocket book? Is this for mice to read? Really? Who wants a book that small? I need a microscope to see the pictures.

In summary, read the description on your Amazon purchases. And don't judge a book by its cover. Because the cover might be really big. Or in some cases, really small.

Also, if you are a teacher in need of a very large book, I am happy to donate this copy of Time for Bed to you. I'll be keeping Thomas' Snowsuit in my back pocket for when I need some quiet time.

worst week in pictures ever

2011-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Kim thinks her week in pictures is unexciting? HA! Wait 'til you have seen mine...

OH MY this kid is adorable. I love the little hat. And she is obsessed with that Eeyore rattle.

My friend had her baby! This is Grace next to him. She looks like a Giant next to him. She is currently 7 inches longer and about six pounds heavier than he is. It is nearly impossible to believe that my daughters weighed THREE pounds less than him when they were born.

We took a family photo to send as a "birthday text" to a friend of ours.

Oh, so far you think these pictures were interesting? Here is where it goes south.

I found this feather. Obviously this bird is a San Francisco Giants fan.

"... in bed"

(please tell me you do that too? or else I just sound like a creeper)

We have reached a new low. Yes, that is my lint.

But before you get all outraged by my picture choice, let me defend myself. This was after I washed the first load of new clothes for the girls... they are moving into six month sizes! Pink lint is much prettier than normal, gray lint, don't you think?

Sign of the times: Netflix gets its own mailbox at the post office.

I leave you with this cute picture so you forget how unexciting my week was and that I actually showed you a picture of lint and a feather.

Happy week my friends!

the sacramento kings

2011-04-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

i was almost finished writing a post about babies when they started playing a sacramento kings retrospective after the game tonight; the game which is likely the kings' last game here in sacramento.

i haven't followed the kings too much in the last two years. coaches and players changed at about the same time that i changed jobs and made other life changes. i never caught up with all the changes so i just stopped paying attention. i've been saying for a few months that it probably didn't matter to me if they left.

i changed my mind.

i remember the excitement of seeing my favorite players in person when i went to a kings game. i remember what it was like to be screaming at arco arena while the kings were in the playoffs. i remember how much our city cared when chris webber wanted to leave. i remember how much sacramento was excited when the kings were hot. i remember that it is fun to have an nba team here.

i'm not going to talk about the politics of it all. i don't even know the half of it. but i do know that i will miss the kings and i hope by some miracle that they don't leave.

but grant napear? let's get him a long term contract in anaheim. stat.

i googled it

2011-04-12T22:14:00.000-07:00

i feel like my google searches tell a bit about me and what is going on in my life. so here are my google searches from the last week.

do avocados grow on trees?
-yes. and i love avocados.

mini martini glasses
-working on something for my sister-in-law's cocktail themed bridal party!

percentage of women who breastfeed
-i was looking for information for yesterday's post. the answers really vary based on how long women nurse for. the responses were actually higher than i expected.

percentage of women who have a cesarean section
- also for yesterday. about 30% of american women have a c-section. many of them are elective.

percentage of women who have an epidural
-about 70% of american women have an epidural. when i was born they were rare.

placer county property tax
-let's just say i am grateful for a man who came into the mail center talking about how property taxes were due. and i am also grateful that my county has online bill pay for property taxes. *phew*

greater than sign
- < and > will always confuse me. I still have to think about which number "eats" the other number like they taught us in third grade. don't judge. and why the heck is it so popular right now to use the greater than sign in text, twitter and facebook? i > you. did i get that right?

sod eisley nursery
-i was pricing sod for brandon's backyard improvement project...

how date for easter is determined
- i knew the general answer, but someone asked me so i wanted to make sure i had the specifics correct. easter is always the first sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox. so easy to remember, right?

what did you google this week?

how my body fails me

2011-04-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

the human body is capable of so many things. with any amount of preparation and training we can get our bodies to run marathons, swim across lakes, hike to mountain tops, lose immense amounts of weight, become body builders. through the right types of diet and exercise we can take our bodies from the edge of illness to new life.

and a woman's body is even more miraculous, as it has the power to grow life, give life and nurture life.

there are a lot of people who will tell me that what i am about to write about shouldn't matter: i have two beautiful, perfect, healthy little girls. i know and appreciate that. but during the last five months i have come to reflect on the failings of my womanly body.

i miscarried.
i only carried my girls to 33 weeks.
i couldn't deliver my girls vaginally because they were both breech.
i can't exclusively nurse my girls because my body doesn't produce enough milk.

i feel like my body has failed me.

several years ago a friend recommended that i read "taking charge of your fertility." at the time i wasn't trying to get pregnant; she told me that it was just a good way to read the natural signs of your body. to be honest, i didn't buy into any of that crap. but slowly i began to feel more "in tune" with my body and to recognize the rhythms and changes of the female body. suddenly i felt like i was in control; nature wasn't just controlling my body. i understood myself.

after a miscarriage i tried to believe that i was not the problem. the doctors say that miscarriage is usually due to chromosonal abnormalities of the fetus. but i couldn't help but wonder what i did wrong.

several years later i found out i was having twins. i knew that twins were likely to come early, but i was determined to be one of the ones who made it all the way. and i was determined that i would try vaginal delivery, even if only baby a was in the right position.

at 33 weeks and four days my water broke. i was out of control and i felt i had failed my girls by not carrying them to term.

both girls were breech and i had to have a cesaraen section. i couldn't have my natural, vaginal delivery.

and now, five months in, i cannot keep up with the milk they need. just months ago i hated nursing and was ready to quit. but now i love it and i want to continue and i can't help but feel like my body has failed me again. people are shocked that i made it this far and use that as a platitude. but i want to do more, i want to go longer.

just a few short years ago, and to some extent just months ago, i didn't know what i wanted my body to do. i didn't realize what it can or should be able to do. but there are moments now when i see it as a failure for the things it couldn't do.

this is not my pity party. i am not asking for compliments on how far i've come. what i want is to climb mountains, run marathons and see if i can bring my body back from failure to new life. i can live better. if i don't fail my body, maybe it won't fail me.

Not too late to grab a beer!

2011-04-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

I know it is late. Like almost tomorrow. I am a busy girl! I started this post on Saturday morning and the clock is about to reach Monday... But I love having a reason to show you my pictures, so here we go... there are a lot this week!

Oh my God this baby girl is beautiful and she loves pulling blankets and stuffed animals on her face. Adorable.

Brandon entertains the girls by wearing a newspaper on his head and singing songs from "The Little Mermaid." I am not sure how those things are connected.

I hate Babies R Us. I also love it. It reminds me a little of Wal-Mart for baby stuff. But they have stuff I need so I keep going back. This is Brandon pushing our double stroller. Double stroller= freak show.

New job. New product. Apparently this is a cool car. Apparently I need to learn about Dodge.

We had gorgeous weather this week! It was a little cool on some days, but the sky was so blue and the clouds looked fake. No officer, I was not using my phone while driving.

My Spanish friends Ana and Cristina sent a package for my girls. There was adorable clothing, stuffed animals and a cd of current popular Spanish music for mama. I love my Spanish sisters... thus why one of my daughters is named for them.

Mama and her girls in their outfits from Spain.

With their animals from Spain.

Grace spit out her pacifier and it landed there. I feel like this is the beginning of a drinking game.

Grace is a seriously funny kid. Every night at bathtime she stares at the warning label. I know it's because she likes the contrast of the lettering, but I like to think she is practicing her reading skills.

After bathtime Grace gets snuggly in her bunny towel.

Ana's turn!

Molly is visiting again. That object in the foreground is her ball. I think. She has lost a lot of balls near the water behind our house. She came out with this one yesterday in a place I know she lost one LAST YEAR. This ball definitely looks like it has been lost a year. And now she won't part with the disgusting thing!

Molly poses in front of the pretty flowers.

We had dinner at Buca di Beppo in the Pope's Room for Brandon's grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary.

And the best part of the week... Brandon started and finished a backyard project: we have lawn! YAY! I am so excited not to have a dirt patch anymore. It looks beautiful. Thank you babe!

job changes

2011-04-06T23:16:00.000-07:00

I have a new job.

Kind of.

It's the same job but at a new store.

And all the people who knew anything about anything don't work there anymore. So I am raiding computers and reading emails and calling companies to try and convince them that every contact that have at our store is no longer a valid contact and that they need to talk to me. If they don't talk to me they won't get paid so it's best to just believe me.

Or something like that.

Bottom line, it is really stressful. I have basically been asked to do the same job for a different store/brand and it is not as simple as it seems. And I feel like there is an expectation that everything needs to be done likerightnow and really, it is just not going to happen.

So basically I am stressed out.

But there is one upside.

I have these two little angels to come home to:

the twitter machine

2011-04-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

Are you watching "Mr. Sunshine" on ABC? It is a pretty good show-- I love Allison Janey in everything from "The West Wing" to "10 Things I Hate About You" and she is hilarious in this show. Last week she talked about "the twitter machine" and Brandon and I have been calling it that ever since then.

Well folks, I, too, got the twitter machine.

@erinsgirls

coffee, mimosas or beer, OH MY!

2011-04-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

It is time my friends for another installment of Grab a beer and look what I did last week! You can link up over at Kim's blog!

Well I had a bit of a job change this week... I now work for Toyota AND Dodge. Most of my work will be the same, but for two stores. The difficulty is that I know NOTHING about the Dodge/Chrysler/Jeep brand... so there's that.

Ana got excited for opening day by watching the Giants in their last spring training game. Also, this is why we can't have the TV on while feeding the girls anymore: they watch TV.

OMG my daughters are adorable. If you don't agree, read a different blog.

Grace spent much of the week experimenting with the various faces she could make.

As I said...

Here is one without a silly face. Brandon and I both have long eyelashes. Looks like Grace got them too!

I spent Saturday morning at the salon. Mama needed a haircut.

Oh, and a color, too. Don't I look fabulous in my foil wrap?

It doesn't matter how we put the girls in the crib. They always end up touching each other. I am afraid this means we will have to separate them soon, because if one wakes up, she wakes up the other.

Ana's teeth.

Following weeks of rain, we had the most gorgeous weather this week! Brandon and I went walking on our favorite trail. We will head out to walk again as soon as I finish this blog...

Sunday morning means I am making breakfast! After several failed attempts at french toast, it was DELICIOUS this morning!

Have a great week my friends!

This is not your home, so put away the phone and get your business over with

2011-03-29T16:59:00.000-07:00

Things I hate about public restrooms:

When there is nowhere to hang a purse. My purse is like a Mary Poppins bag. I have enough items in my purse to help me survive for at least 7-10 days after a nuclear holocaust. I have no intention of doing my business with the purse awkwardly hanging from my shoulder. But you can bet there is no way I am putting my purse on the floor.
When people pull out too many toilet seat covers and then shove the extras back in. Fact: no one wants to use those once you have touched them. They are wasted. Trash. I am not saying it is very ecofriendly or even the right thing to do, but I am guessing that most people don’t use the already touched ones. Same goes for toilet paper-- don't try to re-roll it. I AM NOT USING IT ONCE YOU TOUCHED IT.
When the floor is wet. Public bathrooms are sketchy anyway, but wet floors make me want to yack. I don’t understand it—does the toilet leak? Did someone miss the 10x14 hole that badly? That water is nasty and I don't want my shoes in it. YUCK.
Toilet paper sitting on the floor. Even when the floor isn't covered in sketchy water, that floor is not clean. If it was on the bottom of your shoe, I do NOT want it near any openings to my body.

How long people take. What are you doing in there? I don't understand what takes so long. I have had people comment on my swiftness because I get in and out. There is no reason to linger, especially when there is a line. Get off your phone and let me pee, dammit.

Unflushed toilets. I am all about water conservation... except when it means that I have to see the business you just conducted. FLUSH. THE. TOILET. And even more, I hate when people won't use a stall because the toilet isn't flushed. I repeat: FLUSH. THE. TOILET. While I can't stand that someone left me with an unsightly reminder of their presence, there is no need for the next ten people to witness it too. Do the rest of us a favor, flush and move on.

What do you hate about public restrooms?

for a good laugh

2011-03-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

This is a real voice mail message that my brother got last weekend. It is hilarious. Happy Tuesday!

it's never too late for a beer, so CHECK OUT MY WEEK!

2011-03-27T23:29:00.000-07:00

Have you missed me? I've missed you. This was a busy week and a great weekend. I have lots of blog ideas for this week so hopefully I will find the minutes to sit down and type them up for you! In the meantime, grab a beer and join Kim for another installment of "Grab a beer and look at what I did last week!"

CHECK IT:

If you ignore all the media about the Sacramento Kings moving to Anaheim, the big story in the Sacramento area lately has been our weather. We have had rain for nearly two weeks straight. I know you Seattle folks are sad for us, really, but for us Northern California folk this is a little much. One afternoon we had a brief clearing and the sun poked out, but the clouds stayed dark to remind us that the rain wasn't done yet. It was much prettier in person than I was able to catch in this picture.

I hate going to the dentist. HATE. However I am happy to report that I am 29 years old and STILL CAVITY FREE.

My mom bought the girls these adorable outfits from a Janie and Jack outlet. Janie and Jack is one of those stores that I wish I could buy all of my girls' clothes from. They have adorable clothes and the quality is amazing. Of course with quality comes high prices, hence why I do not buy their wardrobe there =)

The boys drinking Car Bombs during Earth Hour. Earth Hour is NOT actually a drinking event unless you are at my house. This requires a blog of it's own... so tune in later this week.

Guinness, Baileys and Jameson seemed like too much to handle for me... so I started Earth Hour off with some champagne. DE-licious.

Ana and Grace both like to look at the iPhone. I was using the camera feature where you can see yourself and Ana was getting a kick out of it. These are just a few of the pictures her and I took!

Grace deciding if she likes to wear glasses or not!

Have a great week friends! And head over to Yep, they are all mine to join in on the fun!

I'm afraid of twitter

2011-03-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

Twitter scares me.

I went to the twitter webpage to see what it's all about. There were no instructions. I don't understand all the @s, RTs and #s. I am sure they mean something, but I wouldn't know what.

And how do I know who to follow? What if no one wants to follow me? Then I will just be sad. And lonely. And wondering what the hashtags are for.

I am afraid that my husband will mock me for joining twitter.

And someone already has the handle I want- "eringirl." WTF? How did she get the same nickname as me? Can we take to the twitter and get my name back? I DO know how to organize angry blog mobs*, so really, she should be afraid.

Annnnnnnnnnd I might just have spent the last two years mocking people with a twitter and now I am afraid that I want one.

So there.

Ok all you twitter and non-twitter people alike... chime in. What should I do?

Also, I break all the rules we learned in elementary school about never starting sentences with "and" or "but."
I do it all the time. I win.

*Kim, did you write about this on your blog?! I tried to find something to link it to haha

remembering "the blue song"

2011-03-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

I never imagined all the ways that becoming a parent would make me reflect on my own life. Here is yet another.

As the first child my dad had a lot of time to spend with me. Even after my sister was born my mom says he spent more of his evenings with me and she spent them with my sister. I have memories of us reading books and laying on our backs while we counted to a million (obviously I hadn't mastered counting yet...) I loved all the time I spent with my dad before bed. I think he must have too, as my mom reports that he often fell asleep in my room and she would have to come find him. Of all the things that I remember, one of my favorite memories will always be of my dad singing to me.

My dad knows a lot of songs and many he could even play on the piano. I was definitely a sucker for "Puff, the Magic Dragon." But my favorite song was "the blue song" which was really his mashed up version "We love you, Conrad" from the musical "Bye, Bye Birdie." He changed "Conrad" to "Erin" and invented some other creative lyrics to make the song about me. I loved when he sang me that song and I still love thinking about it today.

Brandon created a cd for our girls and I have been listening to it for weeks. The music is about children, about parents' love for children and at the end there are several lullaby themed songs. Although Billy Joel's Lullabye is sad in many ways, there is a line that really resonates with me: "Someday your child may cry/ And if you sing this lullabye/ Then in your heart/ There will always be a part of me."

As I was listening to that song today I thought about my dad and "the blue song." All that time that my dad invested in me is not lost. Those are memories that I cherish; those are precious moments that formed me as a daughter and a mother. That line reminds me how important it is for me to make time for my beautiful girls. I hope that when they have their own children they will remember small but important things about our family. And when they do, it will be like a small part of me is present with them, just as a part of my dad (and mom too!) is always with me as I parent.

I am not naive. I know that I cannot manufacture these memories; I do not know what it is that will touch my daughters. But I hope to become the type of parent who gives their children thousands of memories to choose from.
What childhood memories or events do you hope to pass on to your children?

oops. LOL

2011-03-20T23:14:00.000-07:00

for my friends in reader... i hope you enjoyed my accidental post entitled "shopping cart etiquette." i intended to save it as a draft so i would remember the topic for later... and instead i published it =)

late to the linky party

2011-03-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

It's still Sunday, so it's not too late, is it? Linking up with Kim! Grab yourself a beverage and check out my pictures!

Mama and Gracie (I make a rare appearance on my own blog!)

The girls celebrate St. Patrick's Day in my old hats.

I complained earlier this week about all the rain in our forecast... well Friday afternoon I was literally jumping for joy when it started snowing at work! Snow at our elevation is not very common. The snow just started sticking when I left work, but since I haven't been able to get to the snow this year, I was delighted to see it falling!

My friend Jeff invited us over on Saturday night to cook an Irish dinner. He made corned beef, irish stew and a red cabbage dish. It was so delicious that I voted we celebrate St. Patrick's Day twice a year. Jeff agreed.

Brandon and Grace watched Notre Dame lose in the tournament. There goes my bracket since I picked Notre Dame to win!

The highlight of my week is this girl. She is getting her first tooth AND started rolling over. This video is like a minute long but she only actually rolls over in the first 10 seconds... then it is another 50 seconds of us trying to make her do it again!

i believe in cliches...

2011-03-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

they grow up so fast.

*sigh*

one moment my babies weigh less than five pounds and can't even eat without a feeding tube. the next moment this kid can roll over and is getting her first tooth:

apparently my children teethe early. they are only 4.5 months old (3 months adjusted age) and they are already teething. my mom wasn't surprised since i also got my teeth very early. ana doesn't seem to be affected by teething. she is acting pretty normal. on the other hand, grace is showing all the signs of teething, minus the part where i can actually see or feel any teeth coming in. but here is a picture of her flying too =)

i love them.

weather.com is a debbie downer.

2011-03-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

i love the rain. i love how green the earth gets from the water. i love the smell of fresh rain on dirt and pavement. i love the darkness and coziness that comes from a good storm. i love that rain in the valley means snow in the mountains. i love that spring rain means the lakes will have plenty of water this summer and we won't suffer a drought. i love the reminder that we need water to survive.

but good lord:

and OH WAIT, THERE IS MORE:

please excuse me-- i will be spending my weekend building an ark. good thing my children come 2x2.

I love St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

I love St. Patrick's Day. For the most part it remains untainted by Hallmark. Through reading blogs this year I learned that apparently it is en vogue for the kids to make leprechaun traps (or is this an old tradition that I just somehow missed out on?) Even though we in America don't really know what we are celebrating, I love that for one holiday we embrace Ireland, wearing green and bad brogue. There is nothing like eating corned beef and cabbage, drinking Guinness and celebrating little green men search for gold. Even though we are technically celebrating a Catholic dude, on this day we forget about the religion and the politics of it all and just have a good time.

My two best St. Patrick's day celebrations ocurred in Spain in 2003 and 2008. Guinness knows how to celebrate... by sending hats to the bars. Here we are celebrating in Spain in 2008. Please pretend you don't see my second chin. From left to right: Spanish friend Cristina, brother Ryan, sister Cristina, me.

Today I dug out the ol' hats and let the girls try them on:

Happy St. Patrick's day from my little leprechauns!

Back to work update.

2011-03-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

I dreaded going back to work, but it has been three weeks now so it's time for an update. The verdict?

I love both of my jobs.

When I am at work I wish that I was working in the dealership five days a week. My current arrangement allows me to work from home 10-15 hours per week and I am in the store three days. I absolutely love being part of a car dealership. It is exciting every day. I am challenged with different projects and with the opportunity to learn new skills. There are so many interesting people, from my coworkers to our vendors to our customers. There is never a dull day.

When I am home with my girls I wish I could be home seven days a week. I didn't know how much I would love being a mother. I didn't know that I would enjoy watching every small action of their daily lives. Today Ana rolled over for the first time. It is adorable. I could watch it 1000 times and still think it is beautiful. I don't want to miss a single moment of their lives.

So right now I am searching for balance. I have to say no to extra work responsibilities so that I am not overwhelmed at home. And when I arrive to work, I have to trust that my babies are in good care so that I can focus on my job. I miss them like crazy.

Who would want to leave these two goofballs?! ADORABLE!

I know that I can be happy doing both. I am truly blessed and grateful that my job is flexible so that I can spend time with my beautiful little girls.

Moms who work: how did you feel when you went back to work? What did you do to make it easier to balance work and being a mommy?

In awe

2011-03-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

Watching a baby grow is fascinating in a way that I never thought possible. Before the birth of my children I never thought much about child development. But over the last few months I have been caught up in the daily growth of my baby girls. It is amazing how they learn to do new things daily, things that no one taught them, things that must be instinctual to humans. Watching these babies grow gives me a deep appreciation for the complexity of human life. I am in awe of the human body is designed to do.

Early on my mother-in-law declared several times that the girls were smiling at her. But I knew it wasn't true. Because when I saw the first real smile I recognized it, just like I know I will recognize the first real laugh when it happens.

Last week Ana learned that if she kicked the thing-a-ma-bob attached to the play gym that it would make music. Both of the girls use their foot to block the exiting water in the bath tub. I don't know when they learned cause and effect, but it is awesome to watch them do something when they expect a result.

I find it fascinating from the parent perspective that I never realized what they couldn't do until I saw them do it. For example, when the hand first made it into the mouth or when the hands first met each other. I suddenly recognized that I hadn't seen that behavior yet. For lack of anything more profound to say: it's cool.

The only thing bothersome about this whole child development is that I have twins. It is easy to compare them and begin to worry about the one who isn't doing what the other does. I know that all kids develop at different rates, but it is hard to suppress my anxiety when I watch one kid do something that the other can't. It is difficult enough to deal with the fact that my babies are anywhere from 4-8 weeks "delayed" due to their premature birth, but the additional worry that they aren't both doing the same things is sometimes hard for me to overcome.

Now, if only they could put their own pacifiers in their mouths and roll over soon, I would be pretty darn happy.

a short rant about time

2011-03-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

Daylight savings time is a scam. We don't actually save anything.

Additionally, we do not get an "extra hour" of daylight in the spring or "lose an hour" of daylight in the fall. The sun is up the same amount of time, we just call it something different.

I love having sunlight in late afternoon and early evening like most people, but not at the expense of my mornings. It will be months before there is any chance of sun for my early morning risings (lucky me I only have to get up early three days a week...) I hate getting up in the dark.

And while we are at it, time is completely arbitrary. It is just a name we give to a point in the day. It is never consistent. In July it is sunny and bright at 7pm. In December it is dark. And is there some master clock somewhere that is keeping time in case all of our watches and clocks and cell phones die at the same time? And how did we all get on the same clock? And who decided on 24 hours instead of any other unit that could have been used to decide the time? Don't even get me started on time zones. As my brother once said, "Who invented time zones? They must have been drunk."

grab a beer!

2011-03-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

Kim is hosting a party and we are all invited! All you have to do is get the button and link on her site!

Now, grab a beer or your choice of beverage and check out my life this week!

A long time friend came to visit me on Monday and she brought these delightful treats. Let's just say they didn't last long...

My Ana is starting to learn cause and effect; for now she knows that if she kicks that thing, the lights go on and the music plays. It is pretty amazing when you see your kid learn something new. Now if only we could get it to play better music...

Nothing makes an office party like a goat. One of our managers found that this guy had been cast off by his mother, so Boon (named because he was wandering in the boonies) got to come to work so he could get fed every two hours. From a baby bottle.

In the afternoons they get fussy so we go on a walk. This is the view with a double stroller.

Gorgeous early spring sunset in California.

Saturday morning with Daddy. (Are you reading his blog The Daddy Dialogues? It is great!)

My aunts threw a beautiful party for the extended family to meet the girls. The cake was adorable and it tasted like heaven with lemon filling.

And when we got home from the party Brandon had prepared this amazing meal.

Nothing says lazy Sunday morning like banana nut pancakes.

And after eating all the fabulous food found in this post, I must put my new shoes to good use.

Grace says, "See you next week!"

work in progress: ten things about me

2011-03-09T23:23:00.000-08:00

i wear glasses. in the third grade my mom made me go to the optometrist. i was spending hours each day with a face in a book and with terrible headaches. he diagnosed me with an astigmatism and near-sightedness. i go to the same optometrist today as when i was 8. i wore contacts for awhile in high school, but i have learned to love wearing glasses. they are a fun accessory that i get to wear everyday! (one)

i hate using capital letters. but i try not to impose on other people by typing in lower case letters all the time. today i am making an exception. (two)

i love salt. and everyone who has shared a meal with me is nodding his/her head in agreement right now. i am the girl who actually salts individual chips at mexican food restaurants. i can't help it. i love it. what's that? you are worried about my health? don't worry. i have low blood pressure and last time i had blood work done my sodium levels were below normal. (three)

i hate uploading pictures from my camera to the computer. it takes forever, i am impatient and i hate the process of creating folders, etc. of course if i made a habit of doing it daily most of the problems would be solved, since there would be less photos to upload and probably go much faster. of course then i would also have to find the cord. (four)

i miss teaching at loretto. i miss the students and i miss my teacher friends. (five)

i love working at toyota. the car business is exciting and always changing. there are plenty of challenges to keep me interested. i enjoy the variety of people that i get to work with. (six)

by nature i am a morning person. i love to be up when it is quiet and the world is awakening. by habit i am a night owl and i accomplish my best work in the darkest hours. at night i am focused and motivated to do things. (seven)

one of my "bucket list" items is to see a space shuttle launch. nasa is planning on ending the shuttle program so i think this is one thing i may never get to check off my list. (eight)

part of me always longs to be back in spain. in ten short months the people and the country changed me. if i could pack up my family and dear friends and all live in spain, that's where i would be. you would find me in a plaza sipping cafe con leche or hanging out at the local bar with a beer and tapas. (nine)

i am confident in what i can do and honest about my shortcomings. but i am always trying to improve personally, professionally and in my relationships with others. i am a work in progress. (ten)

Under a rock, under a stone, where will a bunny find a home?

2011-03-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

One of my most treasured memories is of my dad reading to me. When I was a child he spent hours with me before bed. He read to me, we practiced counting and he sang "the blue song." I always knew that when I had kids I wanted to share this time with them.

Thanks to our wonderful friends and family we have a huge library of children's books. Already we have favorites like Time for Bed, Goodnight Moon and My Mommy Hung the Moon. We read our girls a book every night before bed. This is a practice I hope to continue for years to come. I like to believe that all that time reading with my parents is what encouraged me to love reading as I do.

This morning my mom was reciting words from one of my favorite childhood books to the girls. So when I got home I dug out the books I had been saving for years and read Home for a Bunny to Ana and Grace--my favorite book from my childhood. Apparently I loved bunnies, because my second favorite book was Little Bunny Follows His Nose-- a scratch and sniff book that definitely has no "sniff" left in it! You can see how well loved my books are. I hope my childrens' books will be as well loved as mine are.

What are YOUR favorite children's books from when you were a child? If you have kids now, what books do you love to read to them?

One more thing about parenting...

2011-03-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer/amendment to my last post.

I don't want you to think I am saying that parenting is easy--I know that there are challenging times, difficult decisions to be made and sometimes the day-to-day goings on in a family can be exhausting and freaking impossible... I just wanted to relay how I feel about my general philosophy about parenting. And in ten years I may be telling y'all how wrong I was...!

My infantile reflection on motherhood

2011-03-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

There was a lot going on today in my blog world about parenting. Kim asked me last week about something I had written about giving of yourself to be a mother and then she wrote a great post today about the difficulty of parenting. It got me thinking... Those two women are years ahead of me in parenting experience (let's be honest, I am still in the infancy stage!) so I know that my reflection may be considered infantile as well.

As a teenager and adult I've spent many hours serving others. I built houses and worked in a soup kitchen in Mexico. I collected diapers for local women and children's centers and helped the poor in my community. When we perform works of service we "abandon" ourselves in a spiritual sense to put others' needs ahead of our own. Performing such works of service is not always pretty and sometimes goes unnoticed. It is hard work and can go unrewarded. Some days doing community or Christian service is downright hard. It is not unlike being a parent.

I believe that to be a good parent you must give of yourself fully to your children. Even though I am a new mom, I learned quickly that I need to "abandon" myself to serve them best. I don't think it is hard to be a good parent-- I think that it is hard to put other people entirely ahead of ourselves. We live in a society that is so much about self-fulfillment; serving others is low on the list of our priorities. Most of the time putting my children first is simple. I am so overwhelmed by my love for them that I want the best for them. But occasionally I long for the selfish moments--where I had some money to spend on myself and time to freely go wherever I wanted.

Many women disagree with the idea that motherhood means giving yourself fully to your children because they don't think they need to sacrifice who they are to be a mom. I have heard women without children (and maybe even myself before having kids) say that they won't change their way of life for a baby. It's as if we have visions of carrying our children as an accessory. But the best moms that I know, including my own, put much of their own lives on hold for the sake of their children. Giving yourself fully to your kids doesn't mean you can't have your own friends and pursue your own interests. But it does mean that you will priortize based on the needs of your children. So I don't think parenting is hard. I think being selfless is hard.

I am in admiration of the mother's I know who are selfless everyday. Their job is hard. And children don't appreciate the difficulty of giving oneself to another; they likely will not understand until the moment they hold their own child in their arms.

There are days ahead of me where there will be children whining, screaming and demanding attention. I will get frustrated, angry and upset. I know there are days when I won't think I can do it anymore and want to throw in the towel. Shoot, even this afternoon I was overwhelmed to the point of tears with two crying babies. But motherhood is a form of service, where we give ourselves to our vulnerable children so that through our service to them, they will grow into selfless people who, in turn, will serve the world and their own families.

I have a lot of years of motherhood in front of me. I know they won't all be easy. In the end, I hope that I look back on those years pridefully, knowing that I tried the best I could to raise them with love.

And the days that I just can't do it anymore? Those are probably the days you will find me getting a pedicure...

Why I am not afraid of having teenage daughters

2011-03-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

Teenagers are awesome.

I was a teenager for seven years... (approximately the same amount of time that everyone spends as a teenager). I had my awkward hair days, poorly dressed grunge days, and challenge-my-mom days. There were days when I felt unworthy, times when I felt unnoticed, moments when I was lonely. Sometimes I was moody, other times defiant. Most of the time I was happy, even amidst a crazy extracurricular schedule that was demanding on my time. I had great friends who supported me, loved me and helped me grow. I'd like to think that I was a "normal" teen.

Once people get past the initial "Oh, wow you have twins!" excitement, the focus often turns to "Oh, just wait. You will have TWO teenagers!" For some reason, this doesn't scare me. I spent nearly all of my twenties working with teenagers. I started working at a youth group in San Diego, where I first fell in love with working with teens. When I returned to Sacramento I coached my first season as a high school swim coach. Then I accepted a job at an all-girls high school where I taught and coached swimming for four years. And after the school was closed, I spent another two summers coaching a recreation swim team.

The bottom line? I love teenagers.

They are all angsty and defiant and want to rebel. They talk back, use foul language and pretend like they don't care. Teenagers think we adults are unreasonable, irrational and that we just don't understand. But I know that they talk bigger than they feel, that they act cooler than they feel, and that deep down they are trying to find who they are and be accepted as that person. Teenage friendships are difficult as these young men and women make choices about drugs, alcohol and sex. In a time of life when desire for independence and rebellion grows, our teens are asked to be the best students they can be, to focus on academics and extracurriculars with college riding on their every action. On top of it all--girls are mean and teens are hormonal. Being a teenager sucks. They are sometimes a real pain in the ass, too.

But I adore them. They are honest and they are trusting. They seek adults who believe in them. They want role models who challenge them. They are funny and smart. Teenagers are sponges for information. They want to make a difference in the world. They are creative and innovative. Everyday I worked with teenagers has been a blessing. Each of those days was a joy. Now that I don't interact with them on a daily basis, I miss them.

I know that having teenage children will not be the same as having students or athletes. I don't believe in the friendship model of parenting (that is a post for its own day) so you will never see me being buddies with my teenage kids. I know it will be challenging to have teenagers. They will test my patience and my faith. They will have me up worrying over who they are with, what they are doing and if they are safe. We will fight over rules, boundaries, dating and clothes. There will be crying and yelling. My children will get in trouble. We will all make mistakes.

I was a rollercoaster of emotions in my teenage years; there was a lot of crying around age 16. My mom and I argued a lot. But I had good parents and I never doubted that they loved me. I hope my girls know that I love them as my parents loved me. I hope they will know that I admire and adore them even more than I did for all of my students and swimmers. I hope they know that even when they are misbehaving and challenging my every word, that they make me laugh and they make me proud.

Those seven teenage years are special, if not difficult. But I choose to look forward to them as part of the path of my children's lives, knowing that those years will be formative and influential for the people they are to become. I just hope they ditch the flannel and army boots of my early teenage years.

(My Loretto girls... I miss you!)

I went back to work and I need new pants

2011-03-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

I survived my first day back at work. More importantly, I made it through my first workday without my girls. I definitely missed them and I thought about them all the time, but it was better than I had prepared myself for. I know now that I can do it. I have to say that I left my house this morning with my heart at ease, thanks in most part to the fact that I knew my girls were in good hands and that Brandon would be getting home at a reasonable hour. And seeing their faces when I walked in the door filled my heart and I know that I can still be a good mom while I do good work.

Speaking of work: it is strange to return to a place that has gone on without you for four months. One thing I have learned in the last few years is that none of us is irreplacable. While we may be an asset to our company, they will survive in our absence. I am grateful that there were people waiting for me with projects and ideas, which at least makes me feel valuable!

Now to important things. I need new pants.

I have had no reason to try on any of my work pants. So getting dressed this morning was slightly comical as I threw down every pair of pants I tried on. Nothing quite fits right these days. BLAH.

This blog post is really unexciting.

Have you checked out my husband's blog yet?

Some bloggy type stuff.

2011-02-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

My husband started a blog. Check out The Daddy Dialogues to read Brandon's side of the story.

And on the topic of blog related things... see that "Follow" widget-thingy over there on the right? I would love it if you would just click on that lovely button and become an official follower of my page. If you do, I promise to love you. Forever. And I will not stalk you either.

My sister asked me the other day how she could know if I had posted a new blog without having to log into Facebook. The answer my friends is called a "reader." If you have a Google account you already have access to Google Reader. You just tell it what blogs you want to follow, and when a new post is published, it will appear in your Reader. You can access your reader from your computer or mobile device. I look at my Reader several times a day; the more blogs you add, the more posts appear! *Warning: this can become an obsession*

And if you are interested in finding new blogs, do what the rest of us do... search what blogs your favorite bloggers are reading and follow them too! Have fun!

In the event of a power outtage, the church has plenty of candles.

2011-02-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure that shining flashlights at people is not really good church behavior. Yet some kid sitting near me on Sunday did just that for over an hour. And his mother never once told him to stop.

Are you kidding me? I realize that church is not always super exciting for seven year old boys. But there was a children's liturgy that the boy could have gone to and he didn't. I understand parents choosing to give their kids quiet toys or books during mass, but the mom didn't do that either. Instead she allowed her son to flash a light in my face. Repeatedly.

I know that kids behave poorly in a variety of settings, but there is something about church that really gets me. There are few people who still go to church weekly out of Catholic guilt. No, most people go voluntarily. So if you chose to be at Mass, I expect that you would choose to respect the people who are also there.

I have two infants. I choose not to sit in the cry room because it is full of kids and their germs. Plus it makes me feel separate from the liturgy. But I do choose to sit in the back row, next to the exit, so that if one of my girls should start to cry we can make a quick and subtle exit. You see, church is not about me. It is about the community. My girls and I are part of that community, but we are not more important than any other in the community. While my children have a right to participate in the mass, I do not believe they should disturb it for any other.

Basically this comes down to manners. And having rules for your children. This child had no manners. His mother had no rules for church. So for 75 minutes I had a light flashed in my eyes. Repeatedly.

My weekend: in photos

2011-02-27T21:59:00.001-08:00

My weekend, in pictures:

My parents gave us a gift card for ClaimJumpers to use for my birthday. On Thursday night my sister babysat the girls while Brandon and I went to celebrate. Brandon drank a huge Guinness... as you can see he was quite content when it was finished =)

Last week I asked for some help on what to do with my swaddle escape artist. We applied several techniques and as you can see, Ana is now sleeping unswaddled! We learned that she likes having something next to her face, hence the little sheep-blanket-thing. I think the blankets with heads are kind of weird, but I guess they are the new thing! Grace still seems happy enough in her swaddle, so we will leave her in it for a bit longer. Also, I can't figure out how to flip that picture.

Me and Ana playing with the camera on my phone. She was having less fun than me.

The girls got dressed up to go to church and to a "playdate" with some old friends and their kids. I use "playdate" loosely since our girls are too young to play. Mostly it was fun for the adults! This is the third weekend we have taken the girls to church, and so far so good. We sit in the back row for an easy escape in case one should get fussy. I don't think the girls were excited to take this photo.

We ended our Sunday afternoon with a walk. It was absolutely gorgeous out today and the girls enjoyed their walk in the Baby Bjorns. The birds are abundant in the greenbelt right now, and Molly scared up quite a few pheasants and geese as she ran around. It was beautiful weather and the sun was getting ready to set: it was a perfect end to a nice weekend.

Back to work

2011-02-23T22:25:00.000-08:00

To my Grace and Ana,

Next week you will be four months old and our lives are going to change a little. Three times a week I am going to leave for awhile and go to a place we call "work." Before you were born I thought that I would want to go back to work immediately. I didn't think that staying home with you was going to make me so happy. I didn't know that I would find such joy in the daily tasks of being a mom to twin girls. Perhaps I was afraid of you. Maybe I just didn't know what to expect. But now I know and I wish it could be different. If I could be with you every moment of every day, I would.

We are lucky. Because I work for your grandpa I don't have to be gone so much. I will always be able to adjust my plans if you need me. I will be able to spend four days a week with you, and on the other days you will stay with your grandma and the other good people we found for you.

There have been many things in my life that I thought were hard. But I know the hardest thing so far is going to be driving away from you on Tuesday morning. I will be thinking of your smiles and wishing that I was holding you. My heart will be breaking as I think of all the moments that I will miss.

I know that it will get easier eventually. I know that I do good work and that my contributions to our family are important so that you girls will have a good life. But if I could do it all over again, I would get a smaller house, pass up on all the unnecessary purchases and have done everything I could so that I could afford to stay home with you longer. In four short months you have transformed me from wanting to be a "working mom" to just "mom."

I promise to treasure the moments that I am with you. I promise to do good work--valuable work--so that our time apart will not be in vain.

Love,
your mama

Odds and ends

2011-02-22T23:07:00.000-08:00

I have a new layout, so for those in reader, come check it out, at least to see the beautiful pictures of my daughters! The "design" is nothing fancy, mostly because no one designed it. I just changed the template and such. No need to get all complicated until I become a big famous blogger. Or get 10 comments on a post... whichever comes first.

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I go back to work in one week. ONE WEEK. I have all sorts of feelings. Read all about them tomorrow.

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This is how my girls sleep: all bundled up in their sleep sack/swaddler/straight jackets. Those were THE BEST GIFT we received and anyone who wants to swaddle their kid to sleep needs one. Even as five pound preemies, my girls could get out of a receiving blanket. These Halo sacks are amazing. The girls also always sleep touching one another. No matter how we lay them down, one of them always scoots over to the other. It is adorable. I love sneaking in to see who has done the shifting. Usually it is Grace.

Now a question for my mommy readers: I still don't know what to do with the kid who doesn't want to be swaddled. Ana has figured out how to get out of the swaddle part of this getup. The problem is that once her arms are free she wakes herself up. We have tried letting her sleep without it; she can't fall asleep. I just don't know how to make this transition. Help! Someone?!

Birthday

2011-02-21T23:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I've begun the last year of my twenties. In 364 days I will turn the big 3-0. When I was much younger I had all sorts of ideas of what I wanted to accomplish by 30. I wanted to have a career, own a house and have a family. So I guess I can say I have been successful, with a whole year to spare.

The thing is, I don't feel that grown up. I still feel like I am figuring it all out. It's like I am playing a big game in this house where the babies are really dolls and the checks I write are actually just slips of paper I tore out of a magazine. I know intellectually that this is it, this is real life. But I am still wondering when I actually grew up? Or maybe the grown up part is that I realize that despite reaching such milestones, the growing is ongoing? I have a new set of goals for the last year of my twenties, and I have a whole new list of goals for the next decade of my life.

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In addition to the retrospection of this birthday, I also have a new appreciation of what a birthday means. Now that I have my own daughters, I understand a maternal urge to celebrate. I want nothing more than to celebrate their little lives every moment of the day. I resist the urge to post every picture I take of them to Facebook. I value life so differently than I did just four months ago. When I woke up this morning I didn't really think about myself; I thought about my mom and how she must have felt 29 years ago when she gave birth to her first child. I thought about my own kids and how I will feel each November 2nd when I reminisce about their birth, about their presence in my life. This morning I thought of myself as merely a bridge between three generations.

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I like birthdays that pass without a lot of fanfare. I took the girls to meet Brandon for lunch. We shared dinner with one of my oldest and dearest friends. Brandon picked me up some tulips and I played on my new phone. My mom called the earliest this morning, shortly after I woke up. My brother called last, just before bed. On Thursday night, Brandon and I will leave the girls with my sister and we will go to dinner by ourselves. There were plenty of Facebook birthday wishes and text messages. And at the end of this day I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I feel ready to take on 29.

In which I try not to steal things

2011-02-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

Bumbos and Boppys, swings and slings: there are hundreds of gadgets and devices to figure out when you become a new parent. But the one that is going to get me into some trouble is none other than the stroller.

Oh, I could write pages upon pages about the difficulty of picking a stroller for twins, but I will leave that for another day. Today we talk about how I fear that using a stroller will lead to my arrest for shoplifting. Watch out Lindsay Lohan: I am about to make local news for accidentally stealing clearance baby items from Target or Kohl's.

It takes both hands to push a stroller the size of an elephant. So on the few occasions that I have escaped for retail therapy with my girls, I have struggled with how to hold my merchandise. I have tried holding hangers in my fingers or hung on the handle. I have draped clothing over my arms. I carefully balanced a shoe box on the cupholder, praying that it wouldn't fall off and hit my baby in the face.

Last week I almost walked out of Macy's with unpaid merchandise because I remembered it was there.

So please, if you see me on the local news, someone come bail me and my stroller out of jail. I will be the one staring at my double stroller, wondering how to break it down.

hardest part of having twins (so far...)

2011-02-16T22:45:00.001-08:00

In the months leading up to the birth of my twins, I heard tales of the difficulties of twins. I heard about families hiring night-nannies and grandparents spending days and nights helping out. My mom was ready to all but move in with me. The thought of all those diaper changes, feedings, crying sessions and sleepless nights overwhelmed me. I have to admit I was really terrified of life with twins.

And then my girls arrived and life with two babies just worked itself out. There were certainly nights where I didn't think I could get out of bed again and moments when I just wanted to feel normal-- but all new mothers have to adjust to their life. Now here we are, 15 weeks into my life as a MoM (mother of multiples) and I think I have adjusted well. I can manage the multiple feedings and extra diaper changes. I have mastered holding both kids at once.

But the the hardest part of having twins (so far!) is that I feel that I cannot give them both the time and parenting they deserve. When one baby is crying or fussy, the "good" baby is "punished" by being left to entertain herself. Somedays I feel like I am missing out on important moments of interaction with my child who is quiet, just because her sister demands me. It doesn't matter that they flip flop in these roles; I always feel like I am failing one when serving the other.

I know that all parents with more than one kid are pulled in several directions, but I think it is a little different with twins. They are the same age and at similar stages of development. I haven't had the chance to learn from the first born. Often I feel like I am missing out on them growing up, because I am so busy bouncing back and forth between them. Sometimes, at the end of the night, I am sad because I don't feel like I did enough with my girls that day. The thing about two, is I don't get a lot of one-on-one time.

But the moments I do get with each are blessed. And for those I am grateful.

A few answers

2011-02-14T22:46:00.000-08:00

My awesome friend Kim posted a blog the other day about having three kids, which got me thinking about some statements and questions that I get a lot recently thanks to having twins:

You got it all done in one shot! Why do people assume that I only want two kids? Sometimes I don't even know what to say, because I am so taken aback by people's assumption that having twins means that I won't have more kids.

When are you having the next one? Apparently those people who don't think that two is enough find it appropriate to ask this when I will be having my next kid. Seriously, I got asked this by more than one person before my girls were even discharged from the NICU.

How many more do you want? A dozen. At least.

Do twins run in your family? They do now.

The thing is I have an answer to all of these. It's just that I find it strange that people are so quick to throw these questions at women who are still learning to identify themselves as mothers. I think I have an answer to these questions, but I reserve the right to change my mind.

I am the oldest of three children. My sister and brother and I are each 2.5 years apart. I loved having both a brother and a sister. I loved the age difference between us. It was close enough that we could be friends growing up, but far enough apart for us to establish our own identities. The only problem with three kids is that I often felt that one of us was left out. If we did "girl" things or "older kid" activities then my brother was left out. As the oldest I often felt left out as my brother and sister bonded over similar interests and were at home together after I left for school. Because of this I always wanted a family of four kids, anywhere from 18 months to three years apart. It seemed even.

Having twins has really made me reconsider what will happen next. I am sure we will want to have at least one more kid. But the timeline will definitely have to be reconsidered. 18 months? HA! I am not sure about that now. So when? Who knows. And how many more? I don't know. It depends on if I get twins again. There are twins in my paternal grandfather's family. The question is: was having twins a chance occurrence, or am I genetically predisposed to having twins? If I get twins again, I am done for sure. But if I were to get pregnant with a singleton, I would have to do some serious reconsidering. What if we tried for baby #4 and I got twins, bringing the count to FIVE?! See my dilemma?

Right now I am happy to be a mother to twin girls. But there is something special about having siblings of different ages. There are teaching and learning moments that only siblings can do for one another. There are the kinds of memories that only siblings can create. I don't know what the future holds for our family, but I hope there will be more kids in it.

PINK

2011-02-13T22:09:00.000-08:00

Brandon got me Pink for Valentine's Day.

Oh, you thought I meant something from Victoria's Secret? Or the color of my roses? Oh no, my friends:

My husband is convinced that I am a closet Pink fan. Apparently I like to rock out to her music. Now if you asked me if I liked Pink I would tell you "hell no." I have to think really hard to come up with a song that she sings. But upon reflection, it's true: if you play me a Pink song, I am going to sing along and shake my butt. So maybe that makes me a fan. I think it is adorable that he noticed that I like her music, since apparently I didn't even know I liked it. I have a feeling it is going to get a lot of play time in my car. Basically Brandon, good gift.

Don't worry, my romantic of a husband also got me a Kindle and a bottle of my favorite champagne. But the gift he was most proud of was the Pink CD.

In case you are wondering, I was romantic, too. I got him 2010 World Series Champions gear. He loved the San Francisco Giants before he loved me. So trust me, this counts as romantic.

Now for the mushy stuff.

To my husband: we have celebrated ten Valentine's Days together. Although I treasure each of those ten days, it is the 364 days between February 14ths that have been the most significant. Those are the days when we listened to music, watched movies, spent endless hours driving to each other's houses, writing letters and making life plans. In between Valentine's Days we fell in love, traveled the world, got married and started our family. Today may be a day for love, but I love you each and every day. Happy day, Meshugga.

Apparently I have rules for walking

2011-02-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

As I have mentioned a few times recently, I have been doing a lot of walking. All this walking has given me some time and fodder for the general etiquette of sharing the streets. Here we go, kids. Take notes.

When walking past someone on the sidewalk, it is courteous to say "hello" or "good morning" or even "howdy" as my dad likes to say. If you aren't the vocal type, a small head nod, smile or the half-wave works too. But to pretend like I don't exist is just rude. Wearing head phones does not exempt you from this. You can still see me.
If you have the sidewalk to yourself, walk wherever you like. But when approaching someone head on, follow the rules of the road! Take the right side, just like when driving.
If you are walking two abreast and are approaching someone on a narrow sidewalk, one of the two of you should step behind the other or step into the street. Again, follow the rules of the road.
If I am pushing a stroller and we will not be able to comfortably pass one another on the sidewalk, please be kind and step aside. My monstrosity is agile enough, but it is much easier if just let me through without having to make any complicated maneuvers. I will certainly pay you the same respect when your turn comes.
When approaching someone while you are walking with a dog, keep yourself between the dog and the stranger. Not everyone does this, but many people are afraid of dogs and I think this is just nice.
Speaking of dogs, pick up their poop. Or at a minimum, get it off any walking area.
If you know someone behind you is moving faster, it would be nice if you just let them pass you. Nothing makes me anxious like walking right behind someone for a long stretch because they speed up right when I am about to pass them.
Oh, I love the awkwardness of passing the same person twice. This happens frequently when walking a loop in the opposite direction of someone else. To say "hi" again or not? I say yes. Or go for the smile the second time around.
I appreciate, although it is not necessary, when runners let me know when they are going to pass me from behind.
Bikers, get off the sidewalk. If there are absolutely no people around, then fine, ride on the sidewalk, But unless you are a kid, leave the sidewalks for people. In my city there are bike lanes everywhere. Use them.

Why the heck did I get all worked up over walking?

oreos are the devil's food.

2011-02-09T23:14:00.001-08:00

Apparently after I was born all my hair fell out. It didn't matter since I was so adorable. But now my poor baby Ana is starting to lose her fuzzy hair and it is making me ridiculously sad. I know it will grow back but I just love it and I don't want it to go away.

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I ate Oreos today. A lot of them. Enough to make me throw away the rest of the package just so that I wouldn't eat those too. Wasting food was the lesser of two evils in this situation. Some days I make good decisions, some days I eat Oreos. Luckily when my husband got home he refused to let me wallow in my afternoon of bad decisions and we walked to the grocery store to pick up dinner.

Although it was a little chilly after the sun went down, it was a gorgeous evening for walking. Early in our marriage Brandon and I used to walk all the time. Although we lived in a nice condo complex, it was near some more "interesting" parts of town. Our regular walk included passing by a liquor store and tattoo parlor. I love walking with my husband because it gives us uninterrupted time to talk with one another. There are no distractions, just us talking. In those early days we talked about finances, weekend plans and hopes for our future. Today the topics are the same, but the details are different. We have filled in many of the blanks. I love the challenging walks I do with my mom for their exercise value. But I cherish the walks with my husband for the value they add to our relationship.

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I absolutely love the weather we have been having in Northern California. With the exception of yesterday's blustery weather which drove me to the mall, it has been sunny and warm. It has been great for me so that I can get out of the house for all those walks. But I have been a Californian long enough to know that any day now could mean rain. And that rain could last until May. Like last year. So I am cautious about my joy for the sun.

yes, i have twins

2011-02-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

I went to the mall this afternoon with my mom and sister. It was the first time I have taken the girls out for an extended period of time. Most of the times I have been in public we have carried them in Baby Bjorns or in their carseats.

Apparently my monstrosity of a twin stroller is a magnet. When I walked past people I heard them whisper (mostly) nice things like "twins" or "how cute, they are twins!" But honestly, several people actually said to me, "You have twins!"

How am I supposed to respond to that? Because, obviously. I know I have twins. And you didn't ask me a question or even give me a statement I can refute. You may as well have told me I wear glasses. Because I know that, too. But then they stare as if they expect me to have a response other than "yup."

I am now accepting recommendations for clever remarks.

I also learned today that a lot of mothers on maternity leave and/or stay at home moms spend their time at the mall. I could not believe how many women with babies there were! Let me tell you, I am happy that I haven't been spending time at the mall. In one fell swoop I spent more money than I care to admit to the internet. It was definitely a nice afternoon to get out and pick up a few fun things, but my bank account can't afford that kind of entertainment!

Mushy post ahead

2011-02-07T23:25:00.000-08:00

This morning I got into Brandon's car and was reminded how much I love him.

In the beginning of our relationship there were a lot of typical romantic acts-- flowers, gifts and surprise dates. Brandon and I spent most of our early years in a long distance relationship and so we wrote dozens of letters to each other. In my crafting days I made him picture frames, clocks and a message in a bottle. While preparing to spend a semester abroad, I wrote Brandon a note or got him a little gift for each day I would be gone, each in it's own labeled envelope, stored in a box that I had mod podged with photos and magazine cut outs. We were young, in love and we cherished those ways of showing our feelings for one another.

As Brandon and I grew, our relationship matured and we learned to show our love in other ways. I love the unexpected text message or the way he grabs for my hand when we are walking. When he lets me watch trashy, reality television instead of a sporting event or when I get to pick the movie I am reminded that he loves me. A few years ago he woke up early and covered the mirror in our dining room with love song lyrics written in red pen. There are moments when I watch him with our daughters that are as precious as any gift he as given me.

And then there was today when I was moved so deeply. You see, although Brandon has always loved to shower with me flowers, DVDs and other things he knows I like, his favorite way to show how he feels is through music. Since we started dating in 2000, Brandon has been making "mix tapes" about our relationship. He names them and picks out music to describe how he feels at a particular point in time. They often include songs that I love, even if they are not his favorite.

Several years ago I stopped listening to music in my car and opted instead for talk radio. From morning until night there is usually some talk show that I am happy to listen to. But this morning Brandon and I traded cars and he had last been listening to a CD he had made in a series he calls "The Brandon and Erin Story." I have heard the CD many times and it may be my favorite of all the CDs he has compiled. As I was driving I was moved to tears as I realized how lucky I am. Brandon doesn't just pick songs to fill time. He picks songs that mean something. I was reminded of how deeply he knows me and loves me. Cheesy as it sounds, I felt wrapped up in love. I literally had a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I felt like I had opened a love letter; it was intimate. As I listened to each song I tried to remember what about them would make Brandon choose it for a CD about us. As always there are songs from Dave Matthews Band and others of our favorite artists. I laughed when it got to "Love Bug" by the Jonas Brothers-- Brandon's snarky acknowledgement of my brief and misguided obsession with the silly song. Then there are songs like Better Than Ezra's "Breathless" and Live's "Hold Me Up" that literally floor me with their emotion.*

With Valentine's Day less than a week away, it is easy to get caught up in thinking about flowers, jewelry and romance. But I don't need any of those gifts to know how incredibly blessed I am. Our new family is the incarnation of our love, and Brandon is constantly writing the soundtrack to our life.

I love you Mushy.

*If you have never heard either of these songs, you need to check them out. Really. Go. Now.

Super Bowl

2011-02-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

I was listening to the news on the radio the other day when I heard an AP story reporting that Usher and Slash would be surprise guests for the halftime show during the Super Bowl this weekend... can we really call it a surprise if it is being announced in national media four days before the big event?

In separate Super Bowl news, my extended family was discussing Super Bowl as a holiday on Facebook and someone posted this article from the LA Times about why the Super Bowl may be moving permanently to President's Day weekend. I am not sure the best way to honor our country's leaders and history is to usurp the weekend with football. I think enough people have a hard enough time remembering why we have a few Mondays off in February as it is; add the Super Bowl into the mix and we might as well stop teaching history to fifth graders and educate them instead on first downs and the arguments over instant replay.

Then the article went on to talk about how the NFL has been so successful at increasing viewership of the Super Bowl, saying: "Over the last decade, the NFL and its TV partners have undertaken several initiatives – some noisy and others subtle – designed not only to boost the league’s fan base, but its stature in the country as well. These moves have included aggressively promoting the NFL to women, creating more big events beyond the Super Bowl and not being shy about making the watching of a football game seem like a patriotic act." (Joe Flint, LA Times Online, 2/4/11)

Really? NFL fans watch the Super Bowl because they like football. I could be wrong, but I think that non-NFL fans watch the Super Bowl for two reasons: the commercials and the half-time show. This is the only time--ever--that we rush to the TV to watch the commercials instead of fast forwarding through them. And I have certainly would never watch football to feel patriotic. We all know that baseball is the American pasttime... Plus I want to know how they count these viewers, because I have been at a lot of Super Bowl parties in recent years, but I can't tell you that I actually watched the Super Bowl. Half the fun of the Super Bowl is the food and the football pool. The best kind of winning is when you win money for arbitrarily writing your name in a box.

All my complaining aside, we are hosting a Super Bowl party this year. Now if I only knew who was playing...