Saying goodbye to Oak Tree Lawn

Loretto had two trees that defined the all-girls campus: a redwood on Senior Lawn and a beautiful oak which lent its name to Oak Tree Lawn. This picture of the oak tree is from the back of the Loretto yearbook from 1971.

Last week the tree on Oak Tree Lawn was cut down.

I have memories of both those trees, both as a student and teacher. The redwood at the center of Senior Lawn was a symbol for the upper classman, a gathering place for seniors to enjoy lunch, leave backpacks unattended, and a tree to decorate for a friend's birthday. Seniors surrounded the tree with diapers they collected for local women & children's centers and started all of their homecoming rallies around that tree. I spent an entire night awake and freezing next to that tree, chaperoning our first freshman overnight retreat. In my last years at Loretto we watched a family of squirrels take up residence in that redwood and during class they would peek inside backpacks and steal entire lunches from the students.

Although getting to Senior Lawn was a tradition that all Loretto girls looked up to, I really believe that it was the old oak that was the true symbol for Loretto. I ate lunch under or near the oak tree as a young student and ran around it with a red blanket on my shoulders. I participated in a sunset liturgy with the altar at the base of the tree. It was a gathering place for Shakespeare festivals, study groups and friends. Some years back the base of the tree was wrapped in Christmas lights, and at night the tree was beautifully illuminated. I loved that tree. Since leaving Loretto it has been the backdrop on my laptop with an additional picture of the tree on my desk.

Even several years ago we knew the tree was not totally healthy. Recently it was discovered that the base was hollow and full of water. Animals had taken up residence in the hollow branches. With young children now occupying the campus, it had become a safety hazard and was cut down.

I know that nothing lasts forever. I know that a tree is not the same as losing a person. But the gentle oak tree was my friend. It had a spirit and a story to tell. The last moments that I spent on the Loretto campus before leaving for the last time were spent with the oak tree, as if somehow the tree would remember my story, the Loretto story.

When the oak tree was cut down it didn't look anything like the scrawnier version of itself from nearly 30 years ago. It was grand. It was majestic. It had personality and spirit. Like friends that have come and gone from my life, like Loretto that has closed its doors, so too does the old oak tree remain a part of me.

Shalom.

Why, hello there

It has been 25 weeks since I confirmed I was pregnant.
23 weeks ago I found out I was having twins.
For more than 3 months I have known they were both girls.
I am between 5-8 weeks away from meeting my children.
Sometime in the last 3 weeks it has come to my attention that I have to go through labor. I am slightly more nervous about that now than I have been at any other point in this pregnancy.

I am happy. Life is happening and the people in my life are good.

On Saturday night we went to Brandon's 10 year high school reunion. Although I met my husband while we were both in high school, I never really knew him until we had moved on to college. Seeing him with people from his past was like meeting my husband all over again. I loved watching him reminisce. I felt blessed to witness a small part of what it meant to be a Marauder. I have always known his all-boys high school community to have a special spirit, but it was entirely different to step into their circle for a couple of hours and experience the love and brotherhood that those men share.

Finally, the biggest event in our quiet life right now is that the San Francisco Giants won the NLDS. Now we get to take on the Phillies. Trust me, if I wasn't pregnant, there would be a lot of beer drinking.

Orange October

When I was a girl I somehow ended up with a Mark McGuire baseball card. I thought for sure it must be valuable because they mentioned his name on TV. He was pretty much the only MLB player I knew. And that was fine, because baseball was boring and all that mattered was that I had his baseball card.

When I started dating Brandon 10 years ago, I still cared nothing about baseball. Brandon was honest with me. He told me that there were a few things he had loved longer than he had loved me: The Simpsons, pugs and the San Francisco Giants. Although I didn't particularly care for any of them, I was willing to accept that these were all a part of who he was. It was easy to "let" him have his love of baseball; we mostly had a long distance relationship so I didn't have to spend a lot of time with baseball. When the Giants went to the World Series in 2002, I was happily living in Spain, oblivious to the great American past time.

Then we got married.

Did you know that each team plays 162 baseball games during the regular season? From April to October there is rarely a night where the Giants aren't playing. I was tortured. I thought watching baseball on TV was about the most boring way to spend my time.

A couple of years ago Brandon took me to a Giants game. Most baseball parks are beautiful and AT&T Park is no exception. I love being there on sunny afternoons or cold San Francisco nights. I love watching homeruns splash into McCovey cove or into the bleachers. I saw Barry Bonds tie the record for most homeruns in a season. I love garlic fries, hot dogs and beer. I loved my first Giants/Dodgers game where I learned what the "rivalry" was all about.

Mostly I love that my husband never got frustrated with me for not understanding the game or when I would get bored. Instead Brandon took the time to help me understand the game, explaining the rules, the strategy and the passion that makes baseball exciting. He let me buy Giants gear in pink, which I have slowly replaced with the true colors of orange and black. And now here I am, years later, and I find myself watching baseball when I am by myself. I listen to Giants radio in the morning and the in afternoon. I know the names of the TV broadcasters, the radio broadcasters and the pre and post games hosts. I can name the players, their positions and some sort of personal note about them.

In short, I am a San Francisco Giants fan.

And tonight the Giants have a chance to clench the playoffs by defeating the San Diego Padres. My heart is all atwitter as I suddenly know what it feels like to be a real fan. I have been listening to Giants radio for weeks. I am asking Brandon a hundred questions about playoff scenarios and team records and things that just a couple of years ago I cared nothing about.

So my friends, put on your brightest orange shirt for Orange Friday. Because tonight birthday boy Matt Cain is going to put away the San Diego Padres and I am going to know what it feels like for the first time to see "my" team go to the playoffs.

Thank you, Ben

I lied. I promised I would post a blog yesterday and I didn't. Forgive me.

If I start posting more blogs, you can thank Ben Folds. We have been without internet in our home for close to six weeks. Technically we have always had internet, but about a month and half ago it stopped working. There is nothing that Brandon loves more than calling the AT&T support line. They diagnosed us with either a faulty power cord or bum router box. The former would cost us $10 to replace, the latter $100.

For months Brandon has been excited about the new album by Ben Folds that was released yesterday. Even though he pretended he was patient and could get it later, he really wanted it yesterday. I asked him why we would buy a cd when we could get it on iTunes. Obviously, we needed to fix our internet problem before we could download it. So I schlepped myself to the AT&T store and the schiesty guy took my machine to the back and declared it was not the $10 power cord. So I dished out $100 for the damn box.

When I got home I followed all the directions for setting it up. Brandon sent me the login information I needed. It didn't work. Of course he thought he could accomplish what I couldn't and he took a stab at it when he got home a few hours later. It didn't work. The highlight of the night was when Brandon had to call his friendly AT&T support line and yelled and screamed at the automated response. It was a good thing I was in the other room, because if he saw me laughing at him, I would have been in trouble =)

In the end Brandon got the Ben Folds album from iTunes. I (finally) restored and updated my iPhone. I can suddenly do all the things again my iPhone used to be able to do... like check my email and post to Facebook without mysteriously shutting down.

In other news, my underwear are inside out. That is the third time in two weeks.

Where I commit to writing my blog until at least tomorrow.

I could catch you up on the last 4 months of my life, but that would just be long and boring. So how about some bullet points on the more recent happenings of my life? (Warning... this is going to deteriorate quite quickly into updates about my pregnancy):

• On Saturday I went to my ten year high school reunion. I loved it. I have always been the nostalgic type so the chance to see people who I spent four years with made me happy. I didn’t think it was awkward or uncomfortable—rather I thought it was sweet the way that old friends and acquaintances took the time to get to know each other anew and recognize that we are still connected. I love that we are all in different stages of life and that we can learn from each other. I love that people have gone on to become teachers, mothers, coaches, business women and entrepreneurs. I love that ten years later we can all sit comfortably with one another and remember that Loretto was a special place for us.
  
• I am 28 weeks pregnant with twin girls. 28 weeks! Which in the twin world means that I could be meeting these little girls in close to 8 weeks. I am overwhelmed by the life that lies ahead of me, but also by the love and support of my family and friends. Brandon and his mom painted the nursery a few weeks ago and thanks to our grandmothers these girls have furniture to go in the nursery! Slowly but surely we are accumulating all the necessary items for having babies and I am learning the whole new world of baby accessories that I didn’t know existed (and I am not even sure most of them are necessary... haha).
  
• Brandon and I are starting birthing classes tonight. This is going to be totally awesome or totally awkward. Luckily my husband has a great sense of humor, because really, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it is going to be if I have to pretend to be in labor when really I have no idea what the heck to expect from labor.
  
• On that note, people keep asking me if I will have a c-section or if I want to take the drugs in the scenario of a vaginal birth. Part 1: as long as baby A (the closest to the escape route) is head down, I can go through labor and delivery. If baby B is breech, I have been promised that they will “simply” manually turn baby B after the first one is out, or, pull the baby out breech. *winces* Although I am slightly fearful for my second baby, I prefer not to have a cesarean. Part 2: will I take the drugs? I do not have a particularly high tolerance for pain. However I am awfully determined once I set my mind to something. I want to try and go as long as possible without drugs, but if my wimpiness wins, I will ask for pain medication or an epidural. The reality is that I have no idea what to expect and I am not going to spout off any absolutes when I don’t know what the heck I am talking about.
  
• In January our fence was blown down in a storm. Last week we had it replaced. Finally. The neighbors don’t hate us anymore.
  
• I am tired of “people” (ahem, you know who you are) demanding that I write my blog. So I will try to write more. Or at all. Let’s take baby steps. I am posting one now and I will write one tomorrow. Then tomorrow I will think about the next day. Deal? Deal. Good.

dear mommy bloggers

How do you find time to blog?

I want to be a real blogger ("I want to be a real boy!") but I don't even have kids yet and I can hardly find the time to blog now.

Really. How do you do it? I want to be supermom like you.

Brandon and the mix tape

“Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing.” High Fidelity

Ever since I met my husband I have known him to be obsessed with music. He dabbles in all kinds of tunes, from the classic rock of Led Zeppelin to the 90s alternative of Pearl Jam and even throws in a little current pop music with Taylor Swift. To look through his CD case is to try to understand a complicated puzzle, because the man who loves The Beach Boys also has a Jurassic 5 CD.

I don’t always like all of Brandon’s musical choices (nor does he usually approve of my decision to listen to anything on a top 40 station) but he has certainly used his passion for music to create for us a musical history, a trail of CDs that document the first 10 years of our life together.

Even today, in the era of the iPod, Brandon still loves to make a “mix tape.” My own early compilations in the Napster days were a thoughtless collection of my favorite songs that lacked any sense of order or semblance. However, Brandon constructs thoughtful anthologies that are reflective of where we are in life at any given moment. The first CD he ever gave me was called Weird Love: Make-ups and Break-ups and was more about moving on from his high school girlfriend rather than meeting me. But Weird Love ended up having five volumes and they quickly became about me and our young love.

When we got married Brandon started a new series of CDs that he called the Brandon and Erin Story. For our anniversary he made volume three. When I was listening to it the other day I felt a deep love and appreciation for my husband who is so thoughtful and passionate. He appreciates music and he appreciates me. He found a way to dedicate more than 100 of the best love songs ever to me.

So if for some reason he ever tries to leave me and share his love of music with someone else, at least I know that I will have already tainted all the great music from 1950-2010 with his memories of me.

Thanks babe.