Wednesday, June 1, 2011

on motherhood

I wish I could give you a perfect mother. As it is, you have inherited a broken woman. I eat too much, I drink too much, I swear more than your grandma would want me to. I don't always make the best decisions on how to spend my money.

I have terrible fashion sense and I hate wearing makeup. I prefer flip flips to any other type of shoe. My eyebrows are always overgrown. I don't remember the last time I shaved my legs.

I cry when I am stressed, frustrated or overwhelmed. I cry when I am angry or tired. I cry when I am overjoyed and filled with love.

I talk too much. I talk too loud. Sometimes I say things that are hurtful.

I forget things that I said I would do. I procrastinate.

I am no good at keeping a journal, calendar, planner or for that matter, even my blog.

As you grow you will see that my armor has been chipped, that I am covered in bandaids trying to cover up the injuries my heart has suffered. The perfect mother that you see through infant eyes will melt away and what will be left is just me.

Me. Your mama.

I am broken but I heal a little when I hold your tiny hands. I look for ways to get better when I catch you looking at me. Your smile reminds me that there is good inside me.

I love deeply. I am passionate. I am creative.

I always give my best. I work hard.

I value relationships ahead of material items. I love all sorts of people, but I have a soft spot for talking to old men.

I know how to make sacrifices. I can make tough choices. I have chosen to do the right thing against popular demand.

I value life. I love travel. I appreciate language, culture and history. I have faith in God.

I have a sense of humor. I enjoy quiet time for prayer. I can sit in the woods or on sandy shores for hours and just appreciate the greatness of the earth.

I am not the perfect mother. But I am all you get. And I promise to give you all I have.


  1. You do not talk too much. Please never say that again. Your kind friendship has been the perfect mother to me more than once.

    I love how you write.

  2. You're the best mom our girls could ever hope for. You are a wonderful person, friend, wife, mom and everything else. Also being able to see and reflect on your shortcomings is the mark of a great person.

  3. I was having a lovely evening reading blogs and then you had to make me get all teary-eyed!! Haha. I adore this post.

  4. This is what makes you a perfect mom for your babies.

    And, no matter what you do? They'll think so too.

  5. They are going to love you, no matter what. You are their mommy, and they are going to worship the ground you walk on. :)

  6. Your mama did such a great job with you, and you're doing an amazing job keeping it up. xoxo

  7. Your girls are very lucky.

    I've told my kids: Your mom is a little crazy. At times that sucks (like when I go OCD crazy over spots on the mirror from spitting toothpaste) and other times it can be real awesome (like when we skip school to learn how to ride a bike). You gotta take the good with the bad, and I'll try with all my might to make the good the part you remember.

  8. This is really great. well said, erin. and damn, I can relate.

    My midwife used to tell me when I was all full of fear and guilt, etc..."you are the perfect mother for this child."

    And I believe that, somehow.