love you forever

My parents had a copy of "Love You Forever" that they kept in their bedroom. It wasn't a book that they ever read to us. I remember pulling it out of their armoire and reading it to myself, and then putting back the only kids' book they had in their room. It was cute book, I thought, but I wasn't sure why it wasn't in one of our rooms like the rest of the kid books. My mom told me recently that that book made her cry. I wondered if that was why she never read it to us.

A couple of weeks ago I bought a few Robert Munsch books, including "Love You Forever." I read the other books to my girls the afternoon they arrived in the mail, saving "Love You Forever" until bedtime.

I couldn't get through the book.

After the first few pages I stopped for the first time to wipe away tears. I made it through a couple more pages before stopping again. Finally I quit reading the book entirely because I was uncontrollably sobbing.

Let's be honest. Part of the book is kind of creepy... I mean, the mom sneaks into her grown son's home and rocks him while he is sleeping. I am not even sure that is physically possible. But the premise is absolutely beautiful: that from her son's birth, she wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him how much she loved him.

I so get it now.

I go into my girls' room several times every night after we put them to bed, just to look at them. Some nights, like tonight, my heart aches to hold them. And even though I risk waking them up, even though I know I am supposed to leave them be, my arms reach out to them and I hold them to my chest and I think to myself, "I'll love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."