Birthday

Well, I've begun the last year of my twenties. In 364 days I will turn the big 3-0. When I was much younger I had all sorts of ideas of what I wanted to accomplish by 30. I wanted to have a career, own a house and have a family. So I guess I can say I have been successful, with a whole year to spare.

The thing is, I don't feel that grown up. I still feel like I am figuring it all out. It's like I am playing a big game in this house where the babies are really dolls and the checks I write are actually just slips of paper I tore out of a magazine. I know intellectually that this is it, this is real life. But I am still wondering when I actually grew up? Or maybe the grown up part is that I realize that despite reaching such milestones, the growing is ongoing? I have a new set of goals for the last year of my twenties, and I have a whole new list of goals for the next decade of my life.

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In addition to the retrospection of this birthday, I also have a new appreciation of what a birthday means. Now that I have my own daughters, I understand a maternal urge to celebrate. I want nothing more than to celebrate their little lives every moment of the day. I resist the urge to post every picture I take of them to Facebook. I value life so differently than I did just four months ago. When I woke up this morning I didn't really think about myself; I thought about my mom and how she must have felt 29 years ago when she gave birth to her first child. I thought about my own kids and how I will feel each November 2nd when I reminisce about their birth, about their presence in my life. This morning I thought of myself as merely a bridge between three generations.

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I like birthdays that pass without a lot of fanfare. I took the girls to meet Brandon for lunch. We shared dinner with one of my oldest and dearest friends. Brandon picked me up some tulips and I played on my new phone. My mom called the earliest this morning, shortly after I woke up. My brother called last, just before bed. On Thursday night, Brandon and I will leave the girls with my sister and we will go to dinner by ourselves. There were plenty of Facebook birthday wishes and text messages. And at the end of this day I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I feel ready to take on 29.