In the months leading up to the birth of my twins, I heard tales of the difficulties of twins. I heard about families hiring night-nannies and grandparents spending days and nights helping out. My mom was ready to all but move in with me. The thought of all those diaper changes, feedings, crying sessions and sleepless nights overwhelmed me. I have to admit I was really terrified of life with twins.
And then my girls arrived and life with two babies just worked itself out. There were certainly nights where I didn't think I could get out of bed again and moments when I just wanted to feel normal-- but all new mothers have to adjust to their life. Now here we are, 15 weeks into my life as a MoM (mother of multiples) and I think I have adjusted well. I can manage the multiple feedings and extra diaper changes. I have mastered holding both kids at once.
But the the hardest part of having twins (so far!) is that I feel that I cannot give them both the time and parenting they deserve. When one baby is crying or fussy, the "good" baby is "punished" by being left to entertain herself. Somedays I feel like I am missing out on important moments of interaction with my child who is quiet, just because her sister demands me. It doesn't matter that they flip flop in these roles; I always feel like I am failing one when serving the other.
I know that all parents with more than one kid are pulled in several directions, but I think it is a little different with twins. They are the same age and at similar stages of development. I haven't had the chance to learn from the first born. Often I feel like I am missing out on them growing up, because I am so busy bouncing back and forth between them. Sometimes, at the end of the night, I am sad because I don't feel like I did enough with my girls that day. The thing about two, is I don't get a lot of one-on-one time.
But the moments I do get with each are blessed. And for those I am grateful.
This will always be hard. You've discovered the never ending dilemma of motherhood! Twins or not, once there is more than one child, you are constantly trying to balance your time between them. It's not that you learn from the first born with non multiples, it then becomes that you expect a 2 1/2 year old to be rational and understand when you need to tend to your infant! Or, I often feel that I "rush" my little one through the learning stages as she needs to be more flexible because of her sisters schedule and I took so much more time with the older one. She's growing up too fast. In the end, we just do the best we can do. Try not to miss too many moments and constantly love them unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a fabulous job!! Best,
Nicole
This is hard. I hold and soothe one of the girls because she is upset. Meanwhile her sister sits in her swing or lays on her blanket contently. They deserve love and attention whether they're smiling or crying. It's the tightrope of multiples.
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