Monday, February 14, 2011

A few answers

My awesome friend Kim posted a blog the other day about having three kids, which got me thinking about some statements and questions that I get a lot recently thanks to having twins:

  1. You got it all done in one shot! Why do people assume that I only want two kids? Sometimes I don't even know what to say, because I am so taken aback by people's assumption that having twins means that I won't have more kids.

  2. When are you having the next one? Apparently those people who don't think that two is enough find it appropriate to ask this when I will be having my next kid. Seriously, I got asked this by more than one person before my girls were even discharged from the NICU.

  3. How many more do you want? A dozen. At least.

  4. Do twins run in your family? They do now.

The thing is I have an answer to all of these. It's just that I find it strange that people are so quick to throw these questions at women who are still learning to identify themselves as mothers. I think I have an answer to these questions, but I reserve the right to change my mind.

I am the oldest of three children. My sister and brother and I are each 2.5 years apart. I loved having both a brother and a sister. I loved the age difference between us. It was close enough that we could be friends growing up, but far enough apart for us to establish our own identities. The only problem with three kids is that I often felt that one of us was left out. If we did "girl" things or "older kid" activities then my brother was left out. As the oldest I often felt left out as my brother and sister bonded over similar interests and were at home together after I left for school. Because of this I always wanted a family of four kids, anywhere from 18 months to three years apart. It seemed even.

Having twins has really made me reconsider what will happen next. I am sure we will want to have at least one more kid. But the timeline will definitely have to be reconsidered. 18 months? HA! I am not sure about that now. So when? Who knows. And how many more? I don't know. It depends on if I get twins again. There are twins in my paternal grandfather's family. The question is: was having twins a chance occurrence, or am I genetically predisposed to having twins? If I get twins again, I am done for sure. But if I were to get pregnant with a singleton, I would have to do some serious reconsidering. What if we tried for baby #4 and I got twins, bringing the count to FIVE?! See my dilemma?

Right now I am happy to be a mother to twin girls. But there is something special about having siblings of different ages. There are teaching and learning moments that only siblings can do for one another. There are the kinds of memories that only siblings can create. I don't know what the future holds for our family, but I hope there will be more kids in it.


  1. Thanks for the love!

    One of those questions can be the title of Brandon's blog ;)

  2. Isn't it odd that two questions that are basically the opposite of one another get asked the most? Either we got it done in one shot or we need to gear up for the next kid.

    I'm really not fond of the when's the next one coming question. Let me enjoy the two I just got for a little while before I start looking for the new model.

  3. haha, yes... it seems that both pregnancy and child rearing unintentionally puts you into a public arena of advice, questions and comments... but although i get annoyed by it often, I also feel an odd allegiance to people who are even clued in to kids... the worst is when people ask "so now you're not going to be limited by their schedule, right?" or "now you wont be able to be my friend the way you used to". Now that pisses me off. People without kids making assumptions and decisions about how I will live my life with kids...

  4. I was the oldest of 3, and I completely agree, one of us was always left out.

    My husband and I just have one (6 months old,) and GOODNESS - I'm starting to think we might be a one-child family, because...remember sleep? I don't!

    You are a rock star for considering planning another with 2 young twins.

  5. My absolute biggest pet peeve is question number two - how is my reproductive life in any way part of your business? Yeesh! Plus, if anyone spend just one day/night with my little ball of energy they wouldn't be asking me that question because they would be so damn exhausted they'd realize there's barely any energy left for me to drag my hinney into bed let alone work on baby making. :P That has changed luckily as he has gotten older but still - mind your own biz people. :)

  6. I'm not looking forward to this at all. It is bad enough that as soon as you get engaged and are planning a wedding everyone keeps asking, "When are you going to start having babies." Then there is something wrong with you if you tell people "I don't know." And then when you finally do have a child, then they constantly ask, "When are you going to have another one?" Sheesh people stay out of my uterus and when the miracle of life happens a simple "Congrats" will be just fine and dandy.